Topic of the Day

American Idol

Ok, I have many guilty pleasures, but who doesn't? I love gallons of butter on my popcorn, I love cheesy crime novels, I love loads of whip cream on my hot chocolate. Yup, I got a lot of guilty pleasures. However, my current guilty pleasure is American Idol. Yes, I develop this each and every season. I am not a reality TV freak, but I love this show!! I can't help it.

Of course, the person who I think should win hardly ever does. I really loved Bo Bice as well as felt Clay Aiken should have won. And I really liked Melinda Dolittle. Of course, it's a matter of opinion I know. But here, on the blog, it's my opinion that counts darnit!! The one time I felt vindicated was when Taylor Hicks won. I really loved him, even if I have hardly heard crud from him since. He was just fun.

I am almost sure that my favorite, again, will likely lose. I am a rocker at heart and they have yet to head bang their way to victory. But I have faith. This year I didn't get real excited about the girls until I saw a rocker, Amanda. Yeah, rock rules. Nope, I lie, she was voted off last week. Total bummer.

However, the men are far superior this season. And there is room for more than one brooding rocker. There are two: David and Michael. Who doesn't love an Aussie? And he reminds me of Jim Morrison, I gotta love that. David, who is incredible, suffers from a front ways comb over that kind of gives me the creeps, but he is really, really awesome. Hello!! He made me like a Lionel Ritchie song!! He should win an award just for that.

That said, it isn't just the rocker guys who have won me over. I also love the soulful Chikezie, the baby, David. The guys have just brought it this season.

I really love music and hearing new things. I guess that's why I love Idol. It's fun. I also suffer from what I call Tourettes brought on by Television.Yeah, I get very vocal with the TV. And the language is quite colorful. I have a horrible habit of ripping everything apart on TV and I guess I like Idol for that reason too. Those judges make for some good ripping apart ammo. And some contestants do too.

Anyway...

Vote for David!!!

Sissy

Topic of the Day

Things That Make Me Happy

Ok, I've been rather depressed and it's been showing in my writing. I hate being depressed and really am normally a happy, optimistic person. However, I am still human and go through times where being positive and cheerful is a chore for me. Lately, I've been having one of those times. My life is full and overwhelming, and not all in a good way either. So, tonight I've just decided to write about a some things that really make me happy, in the hopes of giving birth to some dang self happiness!!

My Daughters- I think this offers little explanation. They may not be the only reason I have for living, but they are certainly my favorite reason. I love being their mom. Of course, some days I could actually put them on the list of things that make me unhappy, but no today. I just love them, and love that they love me back.

Cats- I love furry little soft baby kitten bellies. And I love having them on my lap, tenderizing my stomach with their paws while they rev several hundred miles per hour. They are warm, soft and cozy and feeling and hearing them and seeing them never fails to make me happy (or talk baby talk...they're not babies, they're cats for goodness sake, Sissy!!).

Popcorn and Cheese- I don't each much junk food, but I love the times we splurge and go to a movie so I can cheat a bit and have some overly buttered popcorn and several cups of nacho cheese to dip it in. I know, it sounds funny, but it really tastes awesome and makes my mouth happy to cheat.

Losing Weight- Over the past several months I've really been working hard and have successfully lost 55 pounds. I've lost ten sizes and probably don't even need to go into how happy it makes me to be able to shop in the juniors section. From a 20 to a 10.

Rain- I love the first rain of the season. When I go outside everything feels fresh and renewed. It's as if the world is starting over clean. And I love the smell of it when it hits the hot cement. It's a strange kind of coppery smell that never lasts long enough.

Cornflowers- These are my favorite flowers. They come in shades of blue and purple and a pink. They are generally wild flower that will grow just about anywhere and they look like little round fireworks. I had them in my wedding and they grow out back of my house.

Snow Cream- This is a kind of frozen desert treat that you can hardly find anywhere. I think there are only a few of them in the country and we have one at a mall a couple hours from here. It's the best ever!! It's cold like ice cream, light and fluffy like cotton candy, melts like snow and had the most amazing flavor, banana being my favorite. I could eat one every day.

Funky Music- Nothing makes me smile more or laugh harder than when I put on one of the funky old songs I like and turn it way up then sing and dance like a fool, making my girls laugh so hard they cry!! Songs like Coconut by Nilsson, Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye and Superfreak by Rick James.

My Heating Blanket- I hate to be cold. Really hate it. And my husband is a horrible person who sleeps with a fan even in the freezing winter!! It aggravates the hell outta me. Last Christmas he bought me a heating blanket big enough for just my side of the bed and now I never have to go crawl into cold sheets and when his dang fan starts producing icecicles I can just crank that puppy up and I'm good to go.

Reading- Reading a good book is a lot like watching a good movie for me, only it lasts a lot longer, has more details and I have to stop it in the middle all the time. I like that I can grab a book, crawl into bed and get lost. It soothes me much more than the noise of movie.

Of course there are many more things that make me happy, not the least of which is not having to get up early, but I really couldn't possibly list them all. If I did, I'd even make myself sick!!

Sissy

Easter Wishes

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Topic of the Day

Trouble Thinking, Too Much Feeling

Ok, I'm not feeling very jovial at the moment. Quite the opposite actually. I can't think of any cute, witty, fascinating subject that might be interesting to even myself right now. Therefore this days topic is suffering a long, painful birth, which will likely result in a pool of self pity and pain.

Woe is me!!

Well, that's probably being a little overdramatic. But I am feeling quite lousy so I'm taking my authorian liberties and writing what is on my mind. This time it isn't a person or movie or song or subject matter...it's me. Just me and my miserable relationship with a father who just can't quit hurting me. But he's so good at it now.

Ugh....

Sometimes I think he enjoys making me feel like shit so he can justify his own behaviors to himself. We have spoke little more than a few words over the last few years or longer and when we have begun to communicate it takes only a few short exchanges for him to manage to rip my heart clean out and stomp all over it. I just don't get it.

He thinks he is saying and doing the right thing, that he is the most righteous and unselfish person and those who know him should know that. I can't take it. He has no relationship with me or my daughters. He hasn't seen Piglet since she was 2. You'd think he'd do whatever it takes to get that back. But, no.

He hates my husband. They had some issues at one point that were quite ugly and they both behaved badly. I stood by my husband, being this part of my family comes first, it's the choice I made when I married. My father hated this. Still does. I can't win for losing. I love and miss my dad so very much, but I don't miss his crazy mind games.

Like I said, I'm not good for very much right now.

I apologize,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Does Love EVER Die? And Do We Want it to Live Forever Anyway?

Ok, I'm not talking about love like we have for our children, our parents or our siblings. I'm talking about the love you share with the person you decide to spend your life with, your romantic partner. Of course the love of our dear families will live forever and we wouldn't want it any other way. Or at least I know I wouldn't. But I'm not sure I feel the same way about romantic love.

Most of us will love more than one person over the course of our lives, some of us will love many people. And these loves will cease for many different reasons that may or may not be in our control. People grow apart, get bored, change, find new people or die. The reasons just go on. I'm sure everyone has a different tale to tell about how love has ended in our lives.

But does love live forever? This kind of love? In our heart of hearts we yearn to say 'yes' love does last forever. But it doesn't. If we're completely honest with ourselves we know that it doesn't. It may last your whole life, and if so, you're a lucky person. But that is one love, there were others before that didn't last.

We love many, but last with very few. Often, when the relationship ends the love lingers, it's finger tugging and pulling at our aching hearts. At that time, it is living on, painfully live on, making us ache. But time mends or, in a sense, it kills love and we're able to move on. I do not believe that the love wasn't real to begin with, all love is real and we fall in love many times. But it is not a forever thing until, well... it is.

At last, we overcome our broken hearts and that love has died. But what about death? Does the love we have die when one of the bodies are gone? No, not really. But, in a sense, it does too. I know that makes no sense. But death pulls people apart and with no reason to hate we hold onto it, feeling cheated. You can't find a reason to stop loving, because there isn't one. Yet, most find that they are able to move on, to new love.

Does it mean that love died? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. The truth is that if it lives beyond death than what will happen when we all meet our maker and waiting for us is the first love whose life was taken and the new love whose spirit will join eventually? Which love will take precedence in death? If we love beyond the grave, we wait to be reunited. But if our left behind love has moved on, will they be ready for us when they come? Or will they be waiting for their new love?

That said, if love never dies, then in death love is even more complicated. I prefer to think that love may never die, it just moves on and lets go and once it's gone, it's never yours to claim or offer again. Think of the movie Ghost where she is told that he is taking their love with him. At that moment, she will never move on. How can she, knowing that he is beyond, loving her still? In a sense, to survive, love sometimes has to die.

Regardless of this complexity and my no doubt confusing post, I believe we should all fall in love as often as possible until the day comes when we're done.

Sissy

Something I like

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This One's For Chikku

Ok, I'm elaborating on a very intense moment I had in my life. It was the moment where I was kissed, quite passionately, by another woman. I was very young, probably about 21 or so. I led a very unstable life, moving all over the place and meeting a lot of people. I ended up, at one point, in a small corner of Hell in the deep south. I won't say where for the sake of not offending those who are there. But, trust me, it was horrible. This place was like another planet. Not only were they behind normal America (whatever normal is) in terms of style and music and habits and so on, but they were stuck a million years behind regarding race. Racism was alive and well. I would walk down the street of this decrepit little town with it's trash infested front yards and if I came across a black person there heads hung lower and their eyes drifted away from me. If I tried to spark a conversation somewhere or offer a friendly hello I was not only snubbed by the intended but also snubbed by the whites. I believe the black citizens in the town were not familiar with friendly white people and so weren't sure how to react to my openness. As for the majority of the whites there, they were simply racist a**holes. Pardon my language, but I have little tolerance for it. Needless to say, my circle of friends was very limited in that place. I was lonely and the only people who accepted me were my boyfriend and his best friend and girlfriend. I was miserable and felt as if home couldn't have been farther away than if I was actually living on the moon. I really couldn't believe that people lived that way. I often wonder if things have changed there in plus ten years since I've been, but I think probably not. Anyway, I wasn't there long and by some cruel twist of fate my boyfriend left me for someone that I could in no physical way compete with, if you can figure out...good for you. If not, I'd rather not say. But in the short in between lull of the dead relationship and my inevitable return home I sought comfort with the only female friend I had, the boyfriends best friend's girlfriend. Her relationship was equal to mine. Best friends were best friends, and we were all we had. We both were hellbent on getting home, me to Cali and her Tennessee. But before we got there, we stayed together always and helped each other mend our equally broken and devastated hearts. I had little suspect that she was also someone who had many previous relationships with women as well as men. Though I am a definite male lover, I try to not judge others and simply base my opinions on how the person behaves to me and to others. Should there choices be mistakes, let their Karma deal with it. What I'm trying to say is that I have never been interested in women, and I still am not, I don't really understand it or actually even approve (though disapproval is too harsh a word for how I feel). On one lonely, stormy day were trapped inside due to thunder and lightning and no power. We were comforted by each other and candle light as the children slept in the room next door. Hey, am I getting a hint of a cheesy romance here??? It was a brief moment and I can't really say what brought it on...the candles, the lightning, loneliness and the sense of comfort probably, but whatever it was...it became a moment. I know you know what moment I'm talking about. It's the moment we've all had, whether it be male to female or not. It's that sudden feeling of complete connection with another human being, that speck of time where there is nowhere else on the planet you want to be except right there with that person and the only way you can imagine continuing is if you feel that person's lips on yours. And so she did. I didn't, because I felt foolish (I'm straight) and because I saw it as beautiful time, but not necessarily a willingly romantic exchange. But there it was. She gently kissed me, long and tender with her hands on my shoulders. I didn't push her away. I was shocked, intrigued and even a little flattered. It was not trashy, no tongue or fondling. When we pulled away I think she knew that it was it was... a nice kiss shared by two people who were joined by the same heartbreak, but nothing more. Nothing else happened. It was it was and it didn't ruin anything, but I didn't want anything else to happen. We spent the night talking about that side of her that I didn't know anything about. She told me about her love affairs with women, and she made it sound as romantic as any male/female relationship. I appreciated her willingness to discuss it openly. And I appreciated her making me feel wanted and desirable in a crappy time of life, even if I couldn't want her back the same way. So it wasn't horrible moment, but it was a solo moment in my life. I have never kissed another woman, nor have I ever wanted to. And I don't believe I ever will, but I do feel the experience added to my life, as opposed to taking away from it. So, there you go, Chikku... that's how my kiss happened and what it meant to my life.

Sissy