Sorry Guys

Ok, it looks like my blogging days are over for now. I can't afford to have my computer fixed right now. However, I can access my email at work so I'm going out on a limb and posting my email address because I really want to keep in touch. I hope you do too. It is: loriberg@mchsi.com I hope I get to hear from you soon. And I hope you have all been doing well.
Sissy

Happy Father's Day

Hi guys!! I'm spending the night at my mom's and thought I would drop in to say Happy Father's Day to those it applies. I wish I could say I have a great day planned with my dad or my hubby but I do not. I don't speak to my dad, and my hubby has to work. Bummer. But I will be spending part of the day with the hubby, and part with my step dad (who is the best ever). I hope you all have a great one!!! Love to all of you dads and thanks!!
Sissy

Not as Young as I Used to Be

No, my computer isn't up and running I'm sorry to say. I'm at my mother's house!! As usual, my mom is always there to help me out. She's the best. Anyway, I thought I'd get on and give a hello to you all. I kinda miss the comraderie I've found here.

This has been a fun weekend. Went shopping with my girls and stopped at the park on the way home. For some strange, fuzzy minded reason I decided I was able to teach my kids some of my favorite gymnastic moves I used to practice when I was much younger, much more flexible and much thinner. However, I decided that having lost so much weight I was absolutely ready to give it another go. It's a defect I have, thinking I'm still 20 years old and rubbery. Well, I'm not.

However, I am pleased to say that I was able to pull them off. That's right! I did my standing back bends, round offs, and a few more things(damn! I'll never do the splits again). I was happy as hell to do it. So happy in fact, that I deemed it necessary to not only show my kids I could do it, but felt the need to show them I could do it many times. I'm pretty sure I hadn't hit my head in the process but looking back now I'm not so sure. Clearly I wasn't thinking about the aftermath of such physical bravado for someone in my physical condition. Lighter by 60 pounds doesn't equal Mary Lou Retton abilities.

I spent the afternoon doing these things, feeling like a million bucks that my body was cooperating, feeling even better that I was doing things my much younger, healthier kids can't do. I was showing and teaching, laughing and flipping all over the park. Piglet said I might be old but I could do cool things!! That was the best. I left feeling I might just be the best mom ever! Okay, maybe not, but it felt pretty darn good.

Fast forward to this morning....

Okay, not so good. Really. Not so good at all. Actually, really crappy. I am stiff, sore, tight and unable to move even my little toe without feeling muscles twitch and burn. It's ridiculous. I'm playing it down of course, not wanting to shatter the image my little one has of me, thinking I've only been inches away from Olympic glory because I am that good!!! But I hurt.

Actually, it's pretty funny. Sad and funny. I guess I still have a ways to go to get back into shape.

Sissy

Computer Gripes

Hi guys.Sorry it's been pathetic lately. My computer at home is on the fritz. Yup...I'm living in the dark ages!! I'm having to do this at work on my break. So, needless to say, my posts are going to be pretty lame for a while. I just don't have the time here at work to think too much or write much!! But I'm gonna continue to read and post when I can. Hopefully it won't be too long. I miss you all.

Money

I don't consider myself a materialistic person. Well, a little as in I like to shop and enjoy buying things for myself and other people. However, when push comes to shove, I know that what's real important in my life isn't money. The things that matter most to me are that my kids are mine and they're healthy, that I have a faithful husband, I have a job, I have a great family and great friends. That's what really matters to me.

Being a decent person with fairly good values is why the money issue bothers me so much. I have my priorities straight and yet still find that so much of my life is based on money. And I hate that.

The truth is that we struggle a great deal. I don't let myself feel sorry for myself because I am perfectly aware that so many people have it so much worse than I do. Regardless of how strapped I feel, I am still a lucky person. However, it does get frustrating that so much of my life revolves around money. I'm sure other people feel the same way. We don't want our lives to be about money, but it is.

It's a fact that we need it. We need to pay our rent or mortgage, we need to make car payments, we need to put gas in our cars, we need to buy food, we need to pay bills, we need money for bills and so much more. And if you don't have the money for these things then you suffer. You either have no home, can't pay your bills, go hungry and so on. Sometimes you have creditors banging down your door night and day. The list goes on. Money, money, money.

Whether we like it or not, we are forced to strive to make more money. We are pushed to the point of money being the guiding force behind what we do on a daily basis. I understand the need for money of course. And I understand that anything worth having is worth working for, so work and earn your money. But I still hate when every month I struggle to just to survive and have to really stretch my dollar to do anything extra for my kids or myself.

It just seems like a shame that so many of us have to work so hard just so we can get by. And sometimes we don't get by. We end up filing for bankruptcy, losing homes or cars, go on welfare, or live of Top Ramen. I'm lucky, I do get my bills paid and we manage to have some sort of life, as well as doing some extra things for the kids. But some months that doesn't work. And I think about my student loans coming due in January and wonder how we can afford an extra $300 bill. I don't know.

I know so many of us are in the same boat. And the cost to live just keeps getting higher and higher while we don't make any more money. Yet, you have people like our governor, Schwarzenegger, who made 20+ million dollars per film! How is possible? There is no balance. I believe there is enough money in this world for us all, it's just too bad we can't earn some of it. It's too bad that we have to live each day according to the dollar.

I don't suppose there is an easy answer to this. But the truth is, good people work hard every day and get so little in return. Believe me, there is no lack of gratefulness, but still. I suppose I sound ungrateful and shallow to some degree, but only in the sense that I feel we all deserve more, that we all deserve to feel secure and live without the knowledge that the reason we are losing cars and homes and have no freedom to break away from jobs we can't stand is because of money.

It can't buy you love, that much is soooo true. But it can buy you financial peace of mind, clear credit, a safe car, a good education and maybe lower your blood pressure.

Living in a material world,
Sissy

Crazy, I say , Crazy

Now that I am employed with the government I am quite happy to say that I get every dang holiday off, and don't work weekends. So I am extremely glad to have a three day weekend. All I could think about was having three days so I could clean my house and still have time to do other things. What a great concept. The thing I was looking forward to most was going to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Stupid me went ahead and mentioned out loud that I was going to take the kids and go this weekend since I have three magnificent days!! What???? Ox says. You can't go see that, I have to work this weekend. If I can't go, you can't go. Am I married to a five year old? I'm beginning to have my suspicions. He works every dang day I have off and I can't go to the movies. I know I'm whining, but I don't care. I want to see that movie. But now I have to wait til Tuesday, rush home from work and change so we can go see it. He's stubborn and crazy and a pain in my butt.
Here's to marriage...
Sissy

My Sister Has Lost Her Mind

That's right, my sister is looney tunes. I don't even know where to start. The truth is, it should have happened before. Let me give you a brief background, (I'll try to refrain from condemnation of certain people in our family).

First, Mel is my little sister, step sister actually. But we have been sisters since very early childhood. I can't stress enough how she is as much my sister as my blood sister is.

Ok, while were young we found out that her grandfather and uncle were molesting her and my other step sister quite frequently. Long story short: it brought a lot of pain and sorrow and the effects of it are still felt by all of us today. I'm only mentioning it because I think that it's important to know when trying to understand Mel because I think it's the driving force behind her whole life.

Mel always seemed to live in denial when dealing with the abuse. She always was nonchalant and often didn't understand why I had such a severe reaction to it. She has no animosity to her mother (who knew of the abuse for years) and no animosity to her father, even asking him to not press charges against the uncle. She didn't understand my hatred, I didn't understand her love of people I considered monsters. However, this difference never stopped us from loving and supporting each other.

At 14, Mel was introduced a man who was approaching mid 30's. This man briefly dated her mother. Her mother being the sick, disturbed person she is, encouraged the two of them to get together when she realized she didn't like the guy. Again, we were all appalled. Again, her father pressed no charges. Again, I was pissed off. Again, I blamed her mother.

Long story short, Mel married this guy when she was 18. They proceeded to have two kids. This weekend was to be there 12th anniversary. At this point, I'd become accustomed to them being together, though still kind of disgusted. Believe me, I expected a meltdown from her a long time ago. I thought she would wake up one day and realize that she missed her whole life. But it didn't happen.

Until now.

The last year Mel has been having issues regarding her abuse and has gotten to the point where she is now angry with her parents, and feels that I am one of only a few people who really had it together and wanted what was best for her all along. She's been trying to deal with a very ugly past. I'm helping as much as I can being a country apart. These problems did not come as a surprise, they just came later than I expected them to.

It was some time the last several months that she started questioning her marriage. I knew there was going to be problems with her realizing that she never had a chance to be young and have fun. I could see she was beginning to resent her husband too because of feeling that he took advantage of her when she was too young. Which he did!!

Anyway, no up to date. She called me two days ago and told me that she has left her husband. She wants a divorce, she doesn't want the kids and she has been cheating for over a year. She (and I quote) is a slut! Her words. She admitted to going out almost every weekend and sleeping with whoever she meets up with.

I was not surprised to hear of her leaving, but the rest has me shocked and concerned. I am so worried about my niece and nephew and how they must be feeling with the divorce, and their mom not wanting to take them. I'm concerned with my sister's emotional well being, I think she's handling the past totally the wrong way. And I'm worried about her physically, as she admitted to not using protection.

She did say she is seeing a therapist, but I'm not sure what the focus is on. I know why this is happening, I just am having a hard time with how it is happening. Like I said, nothing is happening that I didn't predict, it just took longer to happen. But I never expected her to change so much.

I'm just not sure what the appropriate things for me to say to her are. Is it more important for me to show her love and support, or to offer some opinions and guidance? Should I keep my mouth shut about some things? I did tell her to stop being a fool and use protection. That's non negotiable, big mouth opened. If I tell her I think her behavior is appalling it might do more harm than good. I don't know. I'd love any helpful advice.

Sissy