Blessing or Curse, you decide!

Well, for two days now I have been mute! I have laryngitis. Now, to someone like me, you may as well as inject with the plague. Okay, that's extreme. However, I am a talker and a talker without a voice is just, well, a mime!

That's my take on it. Ask the others in the house, maybe it's not so bad. The kids haven't been yelled at in two days and I'm guessing that's alright with them. The downside of that is that in order to get their attention I'm resorting to throwing things! Probably not a good thing.

This can't go on much longer. I can't even work. Try talking to people through 3 inch bullet proof glass when you can't raise your voice above a whimper. So I'm using vacation time, which sucks. I figured I'd make it worthwile at least and clean my house while I have this time. Nope! Not happening. Took about three seconds of breathing the fumes from the cleaning supplies before my throat started to feel like it was being caressed with sand paper! Then the gagging started and don't get me going on that!

I'm in Love with Dane Cook...

...Okay, I'm not. I don't even know so I musn't be ridiculous in my emotional outbursts!! Oh, I lie!!! Web of lies spew from my lips. I do love him!! LOL.

The thing is, my love of Dane Cook is a mystery. Even to me. One of my biggest pet peeves is the use of the c**t word. I hate it. Really, really hate it. And that is saying a lot coming from a well-versed potty mouth such as myself. Oddly enough, Dane Cook uses that word quite often. So, why do adore his humor and laugh hysterically?? I don't know.

He's a big goof ball. I love that! His humor is, at times, bordering on absurd. He's silly, nerdy and pokes fun at the same things I do. Yes, he has a foul mouth, but so do I. Yes, he's a total spaz, but so am I.

I can't take it! Listening to him almost brings me to tears, or at least I almost pee my pants. He really gets the ridiculous and absurd side of life. Oh, he offends! But it only makes me love him more.

Bees

Kids are great. Not only do they love you unconditionally and feel good in your arms, but they offer endless amounts of entertainment on so many levels. Sometimes they are purposely trying to make you laugh or pay attention to them, sometimes it's an accident.

My piglet always brings a smile to my face. This time we were researching honey bees for a report she has for school. Research for reports not really my favorite thing but, as parents, our jobs go beyond food and shelter. So, bee research it is.

Well, there wasn't anything she did directly that was so amusing. But it was due to her bee paper that I had a good laugh, and now have a new respect for bees.

You see, bees are a female driven society of creatures. The first thing to note is that the male of the species serves one single, important function...for mating. That's their purpose in life. I'm quite sure human males will be saying 'yee haw' right about now, but let me continue. The second important, and amusing, feature of the male bees is that once they have served their purposes as successful mates, they die! Kinda makes that one, first time extra special, don't it?

Well, if that isn't enough, poor guys, come Autumn in the female dominated hive those boys lucky enough to still be living, virgins though they are, will be kicked out of the hive for the winter months, not being allowed to return until the summer.

Call me an optimist, but isn't that poetic justice?

Nature is a thing of beauty.

What is wrong with me???

Well, at first thought...a lot!!

It's strange. I know we all remember being little kids and losing a tooth. Remember how you couldn't stop yourself from sticking your tongue in the hole for nothing, no matter how many times your mother yelled at you to knock it off or it will never heal. If anything, that was a sign to do it some more. Well, that's how I kind of feel about my life right now. It's a big, raw wound that I keep sticking my tongue in and, sure enough, it's getting infected and not healing.

I know that probably makes sense to no one but myself. I think the point isn't so much that I may as well be a toothless six year old, but that even as a grown up we are prone to doing exactly what we know isn't good for us. I'm no exception.

However, I'm also realizing that I'm approaching middle age. I am still in the dark as to how that happened. I have myself convinced that I'm having a flash forward and I will someday have Alzheimer's and I've lost years of my life already because there is no way I can be getting closer to forty this fast. But that point is moot. Like it or not, I am close to forty. I have a couple great kids that I've done everything I can to make a good life for. I work hard at a job I may love but is still relatively thankless. I have little to show for my hard work and devotion.

I'm not getting younger, wealthier or happier. The opposite is happening. What I need to do now is carpe diem!! Sieze it, I say!!! While I still can. While I'm still young enough to enjoy it, to be able to get ahead and start some things freshly, with a hell of a lot more sense and confidence.

So, I guess, really nothing is wrong with me, other than fear. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. It's the sonofabitch that lives under your bed no matter how old you get. He was there all along, I don't care what my parents said. And he's still there, and he still controls a big chunk of what I say and do.

It's time to sweep out from under my bed and kick that fear to the curb for good.

Wish me luck.

First Time Home Owner

As some people know I've been questioning the joys of marriage for some time now. I go back and forth between the love and hate, realizing that the old cliche is true and the line really is fine. It's easy to see how people who once shared so much love now find themselves crossing the love line and going into Hate Town, population: HIM!

Well, since I live on a constant teeter of not knowing what to do, what's right, what if I mess it up? I think I've finally put the nail into my own marital coffin. Maybe, who knows?

You see, I'm buying a house. Myself. Not only is his name not involved, he doesn't even know. Yikes! That's a big FU if I ever saw one, I know. However, I fell in love with this house and showed it to him, hoping we might be ready to make the change. We live way out of town, the house is in town, by both our jobs. It would be a money saver for sure. But he refused.

On a whim, or death wish maybe, I said to heck with it and applied for a loan, which I never thought would be approved, and it still may not. But it's looking much more possible than I believed. So now I'm faced with the dilemna about it and why I did and what am I going to do about it.

Why did I even do it? Do I want him to hate my guts? I knew, know, that he's going to have kittens when he finds out. Do I figure we'll make it through, or am I hoping he tells me to get out? Am I trying to buy it because I'm definitely wanting to go live in it, am I lying to myself telling myself that I can rent it out?

Honestly, I think I want him to be so mad he can't forgive me. I think it would be so much easier if he left me. And that is one awful thought. I think I'm weak. And I'm scared. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into.

Decisions

I'm constantly telling my kids that the right decision isn't always the easy one. And that's true. It's also something that is much easier said than done, as I'm sure we've all discovered. What I'm learning as I get older is that it becomes even harder. You're older, more set in your ways, have more fears. The thought of making those tough calls can be daunting.

Though I might say that making those decisions needs to be done, and they do when they're right, I'm not always making them myself. I find myself procrastinating for so many reasons. Mainly, I feel too old to start life over. I done got all used up!! I feel that trying to begin anew at this point puts me somewhere between un-appealing and spinsterhood.

But it is one of those tough choices. I'm not happy with my life, I need to make changes. Even if those changes leave me alone and starting over with nothing and no one, save my wonderful girls, thank God for them.

I'm not exactly old, but I'm not young either. And I don't make a lot of money. And starting over tomorrow would mean, literally, starting over with nothing, as I surely wouldn't be offered a pot to piss in, much less a bed to sleep in.

It's a cliche said so often but I find it true, I love my husband but I am not in love with him any more. I love him for the children we have, for the stability he has shown me and willingness he gave me these years to put up all of my crap. He's a good man, but not the man for me. Not any more.

But, like I said, the right choices are often the hardest. And I'm finding myself unable to make them because of all those fears. Is it better to be alone for the right reasons than to be with someone for the wrong reasons? It's easy to answer until you find yourself there. I want to make the right call but what will happen if I do? I can't lie any more but what options does someone like me have?

I don't make very much money, I have barely mediocre credit and I hate sleeping alone. All these things, and more ( I won't even get into what an ugly divorce this would be), make my decision so difficult.

I'm beginning to wonder if it is just inevitable that I just stay where I am, unhappy and lying. But I hope not.

Ends and Beginnings

It's true that our entire lives are filled with ends and beginnings. Not to mention the great beginning and the bittersweet ending that is experienced by us all. I'm talking about inbetween beginnings and endings. Plum full we are of them.

We begin school and end it, we begin jobs and them, we begin friendships and often end them, we begin projects and end them. Everything has its beginning and ending. At this point in my life I'm coming into my own, an ending.

Though some endings are jubilant and full of hope, some are not. Though relief is present, joy is not. The end of a marriage, of ten years of a life spent as a couple, is, at best relieving and bittersweet. At worst, excruciating and heartbreaking. Sometimes it's all of that, as I am learning.

I have yet to actually speak the words to anyone, including my other half. In fact, the thought of saying it out loud is almost too much. I can't fathom that it's come to this, yet it has. I really don't want anyone to know, which I know is impossible. My fears are vast and consuming.

I have nowhere to go really, though I'm working on it. I have no money. I have little to take with me. Other than my memories and the gratefulness I feel at having at least been given the gift of my beautiful daughter. It's the best thing that came from my marriage, and she makes it all worth it.

I just don't know what to do next. How do I say it? How do I leave? How do I start over? I'm terrified of going, of staying. I'm terrified of an ugly fight over a beautiful child.

Welcome to Myself

Okay, here I am attempting to get back into the creative groove and pick up my blog. I lost my computer some time ago and even though I replaced it, I failed to continue the blogs. So here I am, always inspired but often tired. However, I must be firm and disciplined. I have a lot to say after all, and few who want to listen. It's a shame.

Times they are a changin. Well, not really. Okay, I can't afford to buy gas any more and my oldest has moved out of the house, but that's about the most in terms of change that has happened. Still married, still employed, still broke, but still pretty damn happy.

So, let this be a simple post to christen my return to my own brain...may I find it half as stimulating as I once did.

Sorry Guys

Ok, it looks like my blogging days are over for now. I can't afford to have my computer fixed right now. However, I can access my email at work so I'm going out on a limb and posting my email address because I really want to keep in touch. I hope you do too. It is: loriberg@mchsi.com I hope I get to hear from you soon. And I hope you have all been doing well.
Sissy

Happy Father's Day

Hi guys!! I'm spending the night at my mom's and thought I would drop in to say Happy Father's Day to those it applies. I wish I could say I have a great day planned with my dad or my hubby but I do not. I don't speak to my dad, and my hubby has to work. Bummer. But I will be spending part of the day with the hubby, and part with my step dad (who is the best ever). I hope you all have a great one!!! Love to all of you dads and thanks!!
Sissy

Not as Young as I Used to Be

No, my computer isn't up and running I'm sorry to say. I'm at my mother's house!! As usual, my mom is always there to help me out. She's the best. Anyway, I thought I'd get on and give a hello to you all. I kinda miss the comraderie I've found here.

This has been a fun weekend. Went shopping with my girls and stopped at the park on the way home. For some strange, fuzzy minded reason I decided I was able to teach my kids some of my favorite gymnastic moves I used to practice when I was much younger, much more flexible and much thinner. However, I decided that having lost so much weight I was absolutely ready to give it another go. It's a defect I have, thinking I'm still 20 years old and rubbery. Well, I'm not.

However, I am pleased to say that I was able to pull them off. That's right! I did my standing back bends, round offs, and a few more things(damn! I'll never do the splits again). I was happy as hell to do it. So happy in fact, that I deemed it necessary to not only show my kids I could do it, but felt the need to show them I could do it many times. I'm pretty sure I hadn't hit my head in the process but looking back now I'm not so sure. Clearly I wasn't thinking about the aftermath of such physical bravado for someone in my physical condition. Lighter by 60 pounds doesn't equal Mary Lou Retton abilities.

I spent the afternoon doing these things, feeling like a million bucks that my body was cooperating, feeling even better that I was doing things my much younger, healthier kids can't do. I was showing and teaching, laughing and flipping all over the park. Piglet said I might be old but I could do cool things!! That was the best. I left feeling I might just be the best mom ever! Okay, maybe not, but it felt pretty darn good.

Fast forward to this morning....

Okay, not so good. Really. Not so good at all. Actually, really crappy. I am stiff, sore, tight and unable to move even my little toe without feeling muscles twitch and burn. It's ridiculous. I'm playing it down of course, not wanting to shatter the image my little one has of me, thinking I've only been inches away from Olympic glory because I am that good!!! But I hurt.

Actually, it's pretty funny. Sad and funny. I guess I still have a ways to go to get back into shape.

Sissy

Computer Gripes

Hi guys.Sorry it's been pathetic lately. My computer at home is on the fritz. Yup...I'm living in the dark ages!! I'm having to do this at work on my break. So, needless to say, my posts are going to be pretty lame for a while. I just don't have the time here at work to think too much or write much!! But I'm gonna continue to read and post when I can. Hopefully it won't be too long. I miss you all.

Money

I don't consider myself a materialistic person. Well, a little as in I like to shop and enjoy buying things for myself and other people. However, when push comes to shove, I know that what's real important in my life isn't money. The things that matter most to me are that my kids are mine and they're healthy, that I have a faithful husband, I have a job, I have a great family and great friends. That's what really matters to me.

Being a decent person with fairly good values is why the money issue bothers me so much. I have my priorities straight and yet still find that so much of my life is based on money. And I hate that.

The truth is that we struggle a great deal. I don't let myself feel sorry for myself because I am perfectly aware that so many people have it so much worse than I do. Regardless of how strapped I feel, I am still a lucky person. However, it does get frustrating that so much of my life revolves around money. I'm sure other people feel the same way. We don't want our lives to be about money, but it is.

It's a fact that we need it. We need to pay our rent or mortgage, we need to make car payments, we need to put gas in our cars, we need to buy food, we need to pay bills, we need money for bills and so much more. And if you don't have the money for these things then you suffer. You either have no home, can't pay your bills, go hungry and so on. Sometimes you have creditors banging down your door night and day. The list goes on. Money, money, money.

Whether we like it or not, we are forced to strive to make more money. We are pushed to the point of money being the guiding force behind what we do on a daily basis. I understand the need for money of course. And I understand that anything worth having is worth working for, so work and earn your money. But I still hate when every month I struggle to just to survive and have to really stretch my dollar to do anything extra for my kids or myself.

It just seems like a shame that so many of us have to work so hard just so we can get by. And sometimes we don't get by. We end up filing for bankruptcy, losing homes or cars, go on welfare, or live of Top Ramen. I'm lucky, I do get my bills paid and we manage to have some sort of life, as well as doing some extra things for the kids. But some months that doesn't work. And I think about my student loans coming due in January and wonder how we can afford an extra $300 bill. I don't know.

I know so many of us are in the same boat. And the cost to live just keeps getting higher and higher while we don't make any more money. Yet, you have people like our governor, Schwarzenegger, who made 20+ million dollars per film! How is possible? There is no balance. I believe there is enough money in this world for us all, it's just too bad we can't earn some of it. It's too bad that we have to live each day according to the dollar.

I don't suppose there is an easy answer to this. But the truth is, good people work hard every day and get so little in return. Believe me, there is no lack of gratefulness, but still. I suppose I sound ungrateful and shallow to some degree, but only in the sense that I feel we all deserve more, that we all deserve to feel secure and live without the knowledge that the reason we are losing cars and homes and have no freedom to break away from jobs we can't stand is because of money.

It can't buy you love, that much is soooo true. But it can buy you financial peace of mind, clear credit, a safe car, a good education and maybe lower your blood pressure.

Living in a material world,
Sissy

Crazy, I say , Crazy

Now that I am employed with the government I am quite happy to say that I get every dang holiday off, and don't work weekends. So I am extremely glad to have a three day weekend. All I could think about was having three days so I could clean my house and still have time to do other things. What a great concept. The thing I was looking forward to most was going to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Stupid me went ahead and mentioned out loud that I was going to take the kids and go this weekend since I have three magnificent days!! What???? Ox says. You can't go see that, I have to work this weekend. If I can't go, you can't go. Am I married to a five year old? I'm beginning to have my suspicions. He works every dang day I have off and I can't go to the movies. I know I'm whining, but I don't care. I want to see that movie. But now I have to wait til Tuesday, rush home from work and change so we can go see it. He's stubborn and crazy and a pain in my butt.
Here's to marriage...
Sissy

My Sister Has Lost Her Mind

That's right, my sister is looney tunes. I don't even know where to start. The truth is, it should have happened before. Let me give you a brief background, (I'll try to refrain from condemnation of certain people in our family).

First, Mel is my little sister, step sister actually. But we have been sisters since very early childhood. I can't stress enough how she is as much my sister as my blood sister is.

Ok, while were young we found out that her grandfather and uncle were molesting her and my other step sister quite frequently. Long story short: it brought a lot of pain and sorrow and the effects of it are still felt by all of us today. I'm only mentioning it because I think that it's important to know when trying to understand Mel because I think it's the driving force behind her whole life.

Mel always seemed to live in denial when dealing with the abuse. She always was nonchalant and often didn't understand why I had such a severe reaction to it. She has no animosity to her mother (who knew of the abuse for years) and no animosity to her father, even asking him to not press charges against the uncle. She didn't understand my hatred, I didn't understand her love of people I considered monsters. However, this difference never stopped us from loving and supporting each other.

At 14, Mel was introduced a man who was approaching mid 30's. This man briefly dated her mother. Her mother being the sick, disturbed person she is, encouraged the two of them to get together when she realized she didn't like the guy. Again, we were all appalled. Again, her father pressed no charges. Again, I was pissed off. Again, I blamed her mother.

Long story short, Mel married this guy when she was 18. They proceeded to have two kids. This weekend was to be there 12th anniversary. At this point, I'd become accustomed to them being together, though still kind of disgusted. Believe me, I expected a meltdown from her a long time ago. I thought she would wake up one day and realize that she missed her whole life. But it didn't happen.

Until now.

The last year Mel has been having issues regarding her abuse and has gotten to the point where she is now angry with her parents, and feels that I am one of only a few people who really had it together and wanted what was best for her all along. She's been trying to deal with a very ugly past. I'm helping as much as I can being a country apart. These problems did not come as a surprise, they just came later than I expected them to.

It was some time the last several months that she started questioning her marriage. I knew there was going to be problems with her realizing that she never had a chance to be young and have fun. I could see she was beginning to resent her husband too because of feeling that he took advantage of her when she was too young. Which he did!!

Anyway, no up to date. She called me two days ago and told me that she has left her husband. She wants a divorce, she doesn't want the kids and she has been cheating for over a year. She (and I quote) is a slut! Her words. She admitted to going out almost every weekend and sleeping with whoever she meets up with.

I was not surprised to hear of her leaving, but the rest has me shocked and concerned. I am so worried about my niece and nephew and how they must be feeling with the divorce, and their mom not wanting to take them. I'm concerned with my sister's emotional well being, I think she's handling the past totally the wrong way. And I'm worried about her physically, as she admitted to not using protection.

She did say she is seeing a therapist, but I'm not sure what the focus is on. I know why this is happening, I just am having a hard time with how it is happening. Like I said, nothing is happening that I didn't predict, it just took longer to happen. But I never expected her to change so much.

I'm just not sure what the appropriate things for me to say to her are. Is it more important for me to show her love and support, or to offer some opinions and guidance? Should I keep my mouth shut about some things? I did tell her to stop being a fool and use protection. That's non negotiable, big mouth opened. If I tell her I think her behavior is appalling it might do more harm than good. I don't know. I'd love any helpful advice.

Sissy

Dave Matthews

Ok, this kind of an odd topic. However, it's one I am quite fond of. I really love the music of Dave Matthews Band. And he's cute and charming as well. How can you not love that lazy drawl to his voice, people?? Honestly...oh, wait, I digress.

Cuteness aside, the music of this band really hits home for me. One of the things I like best about what I consider quality music is music that doesn't sound like anyone else(and there's no brainer music too, different kind of joy). I love it when you can hear only a few notes and know who it is because they are unique.

And I love when the words of the music mean something to me. I'm not saying I'm looking for something profound and intense every time I turn on the player, but when the lyrics move me, make me feel, then I know it's something special. It's the kind of feeling you get when you hear and you think to yourself, "Hey, they wrote that for me," because it fits so damn well.

Well, Dave Matthews does that for me. Not every single song mind you, but many of them. I love that bluesy, lazy, dramatic, kinda African beat. At best, the music makes me want to dance or make love. At worst, I cry. Whatever the case may be, more often than not, it moves me.

I often will listen to the lyrics (which can be a chore believe me) and I know that those thoughts come from something, something that goes beyond just fitting music to words, they are a part of something bigger. Now, I know what it may have meant to whoever wrote it may not be what it means to me, but I get it anyway. I feel the passion and intensity anyway. The autonomy of art makes it mine anyway. Sorry, Dave, you gave it away.

Naturally, I have some favorites: Crush, Don't Drink the Water, Smooth Rider, Halloween, Grey Street, Crash, Stay (Wasting Time) are just a few of my personal faves. You should give them a try. I have to caution, however, that in my experience with this band is that you either love or hate them. So don't be worried if you listen and don't like it, it is what it is.

As a side note, Dave Matthews has also dabbed in acting. He was in the remake of Where the Red Fern Grows, Because of Winn-Dixie and perhaps others, but I'm not sure. I don't suppose he'll win an Oscar any time soon, but he has a charm that sooths.

So, I urge you all to let me know what you think of Dave Matthews Band. Also, if you live in the California area I also ask for someone to go to a concert with me. No one I know likes him!! It's a travesty. Now, I can't really afford tickets (holy crap, they're expensive and sell out fast), but I'm willing to start saving if I don't have to go it alone. :-)

Don't Know Why I Like to Carry On....

Sissy

People's Intimate Lives

As you all know I recently started a new job. I've only been at it a few days so have really actually done a little more than general office work. I'm a superior court clerk in the family law division. It's something else let me tell you. There's about a bajillion things I'm gonna have to learn at some point. It's a serious job. Serious and important. Much more than any job I've ever had. Damn, I'm gonna have to be serious and all adult-like. WTF?

In family law we handle all of the filing, signing, judgments, declarations, petitions and orders regarding cases like divorces, domestic violence, adoptions, parental rights and forfeiture of rights. Generally speaking, it's a sad business. Aside from adoptions people don't come to my department when it's a good thing.

Each day me and my co-workers become privy to many people's private lives. We hear and read about their most intimate, sensitive, painful and heartbreaking details. We learn things that maybe even the people closest to them don't know. And all this time we are not allowed to show any form of personal involvement or opinion, nor can we offer any advice of any sort. I hope this is for obvious reasons I don't need to list.

The problem is that I am more interested in criminal law. Truth is, there's just too much pain in family law. A different kind of pain. I know now that as soon as I can I'll be leaving family law department and transferring. I'm sure that will not be any time soon, but as soon as I can.

But for all the sadness, there's joy too. Adoptions are a happy time. Balloons and flowers and celebrations. Sometimes even the divorces are a happy thing. Rarely are restraining orders, domestic violence, child abuse or elder abuse happy. These are miserable and I hate it.

My desire is to be part of the system that works to prevent the ugliness. All that said, however, I think I'm going to be happier at this job than I was at the bank, in spite of. I miss the girls. That's about it. And my merchants. But it feels good to use the education I'm paying thousands of dollars for.

There are just times when I'm getting more information than I feel the right to have. But I'll work on finding a balance.

Sissy

New Blog

Ok, just so you all know, I'm considering starting a new blog. Not because I want to, but I'm hoping if I do, it'll fix my problem of not being able to download photos any more or change my layout. When I actually get around to it, I'll let you all know.
Sissy

Sometimes Sadness Feels Good

Ok, generally speaking being sad is not a good thing. We feel sad and it's miserable. We think of sadness as a negative, something to overcome. And, for the most part,that's the case. It's tough to think of any times where it made us feel good to feel sad. It actually sounds a bit impossible. However, it's not.

I discovered that it's quite possible to be both sad and glad about it at the same time. Today was my last day at the bank. I start my new job at the courthouse tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous, definitely hating being the new kid on the block.

I was not looking forward to this day. I really like my bank job. Some things I didn't like, that's normal stuff. However, for the most part, I love the job. Mostly I love because of who I work with, as opposed to the actual job itself. The relationship I have with the girls is amazing. Today I realized how much it meant to me to know them.

They were very disheartened today, as was I. I was given beautiful notes and gestures of friendship. The things the girls expressed to me were so touching and loving. I am so proud to call them friends. Their words of encouragement for my future, joy at knowing me, and sadness at my leaving was intense.

Hence, the ability to feel glad about being sad. I was, and am, so sad about no longer spending time with each day, laughing and joking with our customers made me cry. Yet the joy that they feel as close to me as I do to them made that sadness sweet. I was glad they were upset and didn't want to me to go. It let me know that the friendships I've built there are real.

And, of course, I'll miss my customers, the wonderful local business people who I have been lucky to know. I'll miss Nick from Kragen Auto Parts, Mike from Sentry Market, Caroline from Curry's, Judy from Blue Lakes, Jag from New Marina, Jeff from Grocery Outlet, and many more. But I won't miss Michaela from the county, as I now am lucky enough to be able to call her a co worker at the courthouse.

So, it was a sad, but good day. Tomorrow's my new beginning, wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sissy

Tragedy

Ok, things have been bad here. I haven't written because a dear family I know has been struck by tragedy and things have been pretty depressing for them. There is a nice Spanish guy who owns a very awesome Mexican restaurant in town. He's literally from Spain. Kisses me on both cheeks every time we see each other. Kisses everyone that way. Very cool, nice person. Him and his wife do their business banking with us. Both are very kind, fun people who smile and laugh so much when we visit. She's a bit younger than him, but they clearly adore each other, it's easy to see it. However, she became a drinker and because of it became very depressed. It breaks my heart to have to say that last Friday she took her own life. It was shocking, devastating and very surprising to everyone, except maybe her husband. I'm not totally sure. All I know is that it has thrown not only him and his family into a tailspin but has also deeply affected those of us who call them friends. I have been horribly saddened and shocked and had a hard time believing it. I still am. The evidence of how loved she was, and he is, was at the memorial where it seemed half of the town showed up to give their support to Dino and to say goodbye to Lyn. It was very emotional and touching. Not everyone is aware how Lyn passed, but everyone would no doubt be as surprised as I have been. Anyway, things have been nothing short of hectic, especially with my job change coming up this week. I've been trying to help Dino as much as possible, as well as take care of all the issues I have leaving the bank (believe me, there's a lot of things to do when you leave a bank, security issues as well as system issues). That's why I've been absent. In all honesty, I'm still not really feeling like myself. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of things, be as normal as possible for me. But right now it's hard. I'm sure everyone can understand. I appreciate that. I'll try to get back in touch very soon. ASAP.
Sissy