What is wrong with me???

Well, at first thought...a lot!!

It's strange. I know we all remember being little kids and losing a tooth. Remember how you couldn't stop yourself from sticking your tongue in the hole for nothing, no matter how many times your mother yelled at you to knock it off or it will never heal. If anything, that was a sign to do it some more. Well, that's how I kind of feel about my life right now. It's a big, raw wound that I keep sticking my tongue in and, sure enough, it's getting infected and not healing.

I know that probably makes sense to no one but myself. I think the point isn't so much that I may as well be a toothless six year old, but that even as a grown up we are prone to doing exactly what we know isn't good for us. I'm no exception.

However, I'm also realizing that I'm approaching middle age. I am still in the dark as to how that happened. I have myself convinced that I'm having a flash forward and I will someday have Alzheimer's and I've lost years of my life already because there is no way I can be getting closer to forty this fast. But that point is moot. Like it or not, I am close to forty. I have a couple great kids that I've done everything I can to make a good life for. I work hard at a job I may love but is still relatively thankless. I have little to show for my hard work and devotion.

I'm not getting younger, wealthier or happier. The opposite is happening. What I need to do now is carpe diem!! Sieze it, I say!!! While I still can. While I'm still young enough to enjoy it, to be able to get ahead and start some things freshly, with a hell of a lot more sense and confidence.

So, I guess, really nothing is wrong with me, other than fear. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. It's the sonofabitch that lives under your bed no matter how old you get. He was there all along, I don't care what my parents said. And he's still there, and he still controls a big chunk of what I say and do.

It's time to sweep out from under my bed and kick that fear to the curb for good.

Wish me luck.