Topic of the Day

Bubble Baths

One of the few things that I really love and can't get enough of is bubble baths. It's the one thing that I absolutely refuse to be bothered during. It is my time of solitude and relaxation and comfort, time to spoil myself and not be mother or wife.

It's warm and soothing, smells nice and when you add a few candles it's both romantic and comforting. Especially vanilla candles. It's like being inside of a warm hug. Granted, I can do without the prunish fingers and toes that come along with a nice long bath. But nothing is perfect, right?

I work hard all day, sometimes I'm hurting at the end because of my back. I have a lot of stress at work. My responsibilities sometimes overwhelm me and by the time I make it home I am tied in so many knots I don't know which way is up.

When I get home on those days it's extremely hard for me to relax. I'm tense and edgy. I end up snapping at my kids and husband. I feel cranky and out of sorts. The only way I found that I can cure this case of the doldrums is with a nice, hot, bubbly bath made for one.

I am not a romantic person that likes to share their bubble baths. No way. Sure, I can see the romance, but I don't want any part of it. They are mine, and I don't want to share. I don't want the distraction. I don't want to give up room. I don't want anyone yapping at me. It is my 'me' time.

Bubble baths cure what I call my pukies!

So soak on....

Sissy

Topic of the Day

Ghosts

This is a pretty extensive subject so I doubt I'll even come close to touching on every possible aspect, opinion, belief and story there is regarding it. I'll do my best to cover the parts that have interest to me. Keeping in mind that whatever I'm writing here is all about me...my opinion and experiences and that there is no more to it than that. We all have our beliefs regarding this vast subject and the odds are that whatever I may say, whatever my opinion is, it's likely to be offensive to someone. And I certainly am not doing it on purpose.

I'm using the term 'ghost' loosely. In saying it what I mean are basically things that relate to not only ghosts but spirits, entities, hauntings and so on. I'm simply generalizing by saying ghosts.

Let me start by saying that I do believe. Do I believe in the idea that when we die we are left roaming the planet, sometimes angry, sometimes lonely and in search of closure or something to fill the emptiness death has brought? No, not really. But I do believe there is something. I'll be the first to admit that 'something' is very broad. But too much has happened in this world for there to not be some sort of 'other world' out there. And yes, I believe, death may not always lead us to happy place we so hope it will.

Firstly, I'm just going to discuss some things that have occurred to me personally in my life. After that, I'll share a little about my family experiences. There are plenty, too many for one post, so I'll be brief.

My first experience with something that was not of this world was when I was 13. Before I share it I'll give you a brief story first.

Growing up my dad had two cousins. The three of them were all born a few days apart. One of the boys shot himself as a teenager. My dad and the remaining cousin became like brothers. They were constantly together, best friends. The cousin even lived with him. And this cousin was infatuated with death and the hereafter. Very long story short: my dad's cousin also killed himself, hung in the garage. This devastated my father. A note was left for my father but destroyed by cousins mother. FAther never knew what it said. More devastation. For some time life was unbearable. Cousin always told my father he would come, that death was not the end.

Ok, I'm 13. The cousin had been dead many, many years before I was born. Due to cousins supernatural fear of pictures he only had his picture taken a few times, as a child. I'm sitting on my living room floor in front of the TV, father and step mom on couch. I look over into our kitchen and walking across the floor and through a wall is a man. I was stunned and frozen. I also knew he was, the cousin. Even though I had never seen him. I described what I had seen and felt to father, he was shocked with my description of the cousin I had never seen. I knew then life went beyond death.

I never saw him again.

But there were other things. I had a stereo that played music each morning, even after I unplugged it. There was no battery compartment. I had a musical doll that used to wind herself and start singing the middle of the night. I had a Simon Says game that would play on its own, with no batteries.

These were little things. During my teenage years I became obsessed with the afterlife, I had to have answers. I began using any form of medium I could to find these answers. I used tarot cards, Ouija boards, seances. I tried it all. And much of it worked, I'm sorry to say. I learned too much, experienced too much and became vulnerable to many things. I changed.

I can't go into that. Not now. Maybe sometime. But not now. It was bad. I got out and found my way back. But not before learning and changing. You may not believe in those things and feel my experience was emotional and psychological and I'm ok with you believing that, it helps me to think the same thing, when I can. But I know better.

My grandmother was also a 'user' of these methods. I didn't know she was but found out later. She encouraged my delving into these things and shared many things here life. The spirit world was all around my grandmother's home, even effecting the life of my mother.

A spirit lived with here, followed her for many years. Charlie. My mother witnessed his presence herself. He was not afraid to be known. By the time I was born Charlie had left. My guess is it was around the time my grandmother had cancer for the first time.

She died and less than a year later my cousin drowned. I was deeply effected by the loss of both. My cousin and I were the same age, a month apart and I loved him so very much. Around this time, I began having dreams about the both of them. I still do. And I feel in my heart that they are communicating with me. Ok, I really have no damn clue what they could possibly be saying, but I feel them when it happens. I smell them. I can't explain it. Again, the mind is powerful and capable of many things so who knows? I'm only expressing how it is and was for me.

It has been some time since anything too dramatic has happened to me, I believe I have succeeded in breaking all ties with these things. And that's ok with me. I really don't want to be a part of it. Life is for the living. And I'm alive. In death, I'm sure I'll have more than enough answers. Maybe more than I even anticipate.

The reason I chose this subject wasn't to convince anyone that I'm looney tunes, though maybe I am. I just wanted to say that I believe death is only beginning...

...then who knows???

Sissy

I Like Drew Barrymore- she's adorable

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Topic of the Day

Chicks in Film

I love movies. A lot. I like action movies. A lot. I like women in movies. A lot. I like women in action movies. A lot. Not in a weird way, thank you. In a there-needs-to-be-more-kick-a**-women-in-movies way!! We can be tough too you know.

Now, I know that women are not physically as strong as men. And I know we couldn't possibly do some of the physical things that men do. Hell, men can't do most of the physical things they do in movies. So why not let women do it too? To me, it's not about realism. I am perfectly aware that most action movies bear little semblence to real life.

However, nothing beats a good tough girl flick. I like seeing empowered, tough, confident and sexy women take charge. There is nothing wrong with making chick action films, because they don't have to be realistic. Most are not anyway. Yeah, Die Hard reeked of reality!!

I'm not saying that there aren't some good movies that have major female characters that really know how to kick butt. There are some. Some are good, some not. Either way, they are just far and few between.

Some that I think are worth noting are: Charlies Angels, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Terminator 2, Cutthroat Island, Barb Wire, Tomb Raider, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Kill Bill. Some of these are good, some not so good. But in all of them the women are strong, tough, confidant and powerful. Not to mention they take on men and the men's world and come out on top.

Ok, Barb Wire isn't really a good testament to the female hero genre of film. She's sexy and kicks butt and all that, but it really just isn't a good movie, unless you just want to see Pamela Anderson in tight leather. If so, then hey, it's for you.

Now, of the one's I mentioned I have a fondness for Tomb Raider (the 1st one) and for both the Charlie's Angels movies and the Long Kiss Goodnight and Kill Bill. None of these movies exist on any level of reality. They are far fetched, beyond ridiculously impossible and, yet, a butt load of fun. Come on, what isn't good about it?

Guys think it's sexy and we like to see the women outside of the whimpering, frightened, trip and fall role they usually fall into. Frankly, a woman like Geena Davis, at six foot tall, just might be tough as a guy anyway. And if not, she pulls it off.

Man, it has to be fun to make those movies. I want to look tough, talk tough, drive muscle cars, carry assault rifles and give men bloody noses!! What woman doesn't want to play that? No, I don't want to run in high heels, screaming while Bruce Willis saves me, I want to save him!! Wearing combat boots. Is that so wrong?

So, I say 'hail to the female hero' superstar. May someone besides Angelina Jolie break out of the housewife stereotype and whoop some a** for us all.

Amen,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

American Idol

Ok, I have many guilty pleasures, but who doesn't? I love gallons of butter on my popcorn, I love cheesy crime novels, I love loads of whip cream on my hot chocolate. Yup, I got a lot of guilty pleasures. However, my current guilty pleasure is American Idol. Yes, I develop this each and every season. I am not a reality TV freak, but I love this show!! I can't help it.

Of course, the person who I think should win hardly ever does. I really loved Bo Bice as well as felt Clay Aiken should have won. And I really liked Melinda Dolittle. Of course, it's a matter of opinion I know. But here, on the blog, it's my opinion that counts darnit!! The one time I felt vindicated was when Taylor Hicks won. I really loved him, even if I have hardly heard crud from him since. He was just fun.

I am almost sure that my favorite, again, will likely lose. I am a rocker at heart and they have yet to head bang their way to victory. But I have faith. This year I didn't get real excited about the girls until I saw a rocker, Amanda. Yeah, rock rules. Nope, I lie, she was voted off last week. Total bummer.

However, the men are far superior this season. And there is room for more than one brooding rocker. There are two: David and Michael. Who doesn't love an Aussie? And he reminds me of Jim Morrison, I gotta love that. David, who is incredible, suffers from a front ways comb over that kind of gives me the creeps, but he is really, really awesome. Hello!! He made me like a Lionel Ritchie song!! He should win an award just for that.

That said, it isn't just the rocker guys who have won me over. I also love the soulful Chikezie, the baby, David. The guys have just brought it this season.

I really love music and hearing new things. I guess that's why I love Idol. It's fun. I also suffer from what I call Tourettes brought on by Television.Yeah, I get very vocal with the TV. And the language is quite colorful. I have a horrible habit of ripping everything apart on TV and I guess I like Idol for that reason too. Those judges make for some good ripping apart ammo. And some contestants do too.

Anyway...

Vote for David!!!

Sissy

Topic of the Day

Things That Make Me Happy

Ok, I've been rather depressed and it's been showing in my writing. I hate being depressed and really am normally a happy, optimistic person. However, I am still human and go through times where being positive and cheerful is a chore for me. Lately, I've been having one of those times. My life is full and overwhelming, and not all in a good way either. So, tonight I've just decided to write about a some things that really make me happy, in the hopes of giving birth to some dang self happiness!!

My Daughters- I think this offers little explanation. They may not be the only reason I have for living, but they are certainly my favorite reason. I love being their mom. Of course, some days I could actually put them on the list of things that make me unhappy, but no today. I just love them, and love that they love me back.

Cats- I love furry little soft baby kitten bellies. And I love having them on my lap, tenderizing my stomach with their paws while they rev several hundred miles per hour. They are warm, soft and cozy and feeling and hearing them and seeing them never fails to make me happy (or talk baby talk...they're not babies, they're cats for goodness sake, Sissy!!).

Popcorn and Cheese- I don't each much junk food, but I love the times we splurge and go to a movie so I can cheat a bit and have some overly buttered popcorn and several cups of nacho cheese to dip it in. I know, it sounds funny, but it really tastes awesome and makes my mouth happy to cheat.

Losing Weight- Over the past several months I've really been working hard and have successfully lost 55 pounds. I've lost ten sizes and probably don't even need to go into how happy it makes me to be able to shop in the juniors section. From a 20 to a 10.

Rain- I love the first rain of the season. When I go outside everything feels fresh and renewed. It's as if the world is starting over clean. And I love the smell of it when it hits the hot cement. It's a strange kind of coppery smell that never lasts long enough.

Cornflowers- These are my favorite flowers. They come in shades of blue and purple and a pink. They are generally wild flower that will grow just about anywhere and they look like little round fireworks. I had them in my wedding and they grow out back of my house.

Snow Cream- This is a kind of frozen desert treat that you can hardly find anywhere. I think there are only a few of them in the country and we have one at a mall a couple hours from here. It's the best ever!! It's cold like ice cream, light and fluffy like cotton candy, melts like snow and had the most amazing flavor, banana being my favorite. I could eat one every day.

Funky Music- Nothing makes me smile more or laugh harder than when I put on one of the funky old songs I like and turn it way up then sing and dance like a fool, making my girls laugh so hard they cry!! Songs like Coconut by Nilsson, Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye and Superfreak by Rick James.

My Heating Blanket- I hate to be cold. Really hate it. And my husband is a horrible person who sleeps with a fan even in the freezing winter!! It aggravates the hell outta me. Last Christmas he bought me a heating blanket big enough for just my side of the bed and now I never have to go crawl into cold sheets and when his dang fan starts producing icecicles I can just crank that puppy up and I'm good to go.

Reading- Reading a good book is a lot like watching a good movie for me, only it lasts a lot longer, has more details and I have to stop it in the middle all the time. I like that I can grab a book, crawl into bed and get lost. It soothes me much more than the noise of movie.

Of course there are many more things that make me happy, not the least of which is not having to get up early, but I really couldn't possibly list them all. If I did, I'd even make myself sick!!

Sissy

Easter Wishes

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Topic of the Day

Trouble Thinking, Too Much Feeling

Ok, I'm not feeling very jovial at the moment. Quite the opposite actually. I can't think of any cute, witty, fascinating subject that might be interesting to even myself right now. Therefore this days topic is suffering a long, painful birth, which will likely result in a pool of self pity and pain.

Woe is me!!

Well, that's probably being a little overdramatic. But I am feeling quite lousy so I'm taking my authorian liberties and writing what is on my mind. This time it isn't a person or movie or song or subject matter...it's me. Just me and my miserable relationship with a father who just can't quit hurting me. But he's so good at it now.

Ugh....

Sometimes I think he enjoys making me feel like shit so he can justify his own behaviors to himself. We have spoke little more than a few words over the last few years or longer and when we have begun to communicate it takes only a few short exchanges for him to manage to rip my heart clean out and stomp all over it. I just don't get it.

He thinks he is saying and doing the right thing, that he is the most righteous and unselfish person and those who know him should know that. I can't take it. He has no relationship with me or my daughters. He hasn't seen Piglet since she was 2. You'd think he'd do whatever it takes to get that back. But, no.

He hates my husband. They had some issues at one point that were quite ugly and they both behaved badly. I stood by my husband, being this part of my family comes first, it's the choice I made when I married. My father hated this. Still does. I can't win for losing. I love and miss my dad so very much, but I don't miss his crazy mind games.

Like I said, I'm not good for very much right now.

I apologize,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Does Love EVER Die? And Do We Want it to Live Forever Anyway?

Ok, I'm not talking about love like we have for our children, our parents or our siblings. I'm talking about the love you share with the person you decide to spend your life with, your romantic partner. Of course the love of our dear families will live forever and we wouldn't want it any other way. Or at least I know I wouldn't. But I'm not sure I feel the same way about romantic love.

Most of us will love more than one person over the course of our lives, some of us will love many people. And these loves will cease for many different reasons that may or may not be in our control. People grow apart, get bored, change, find new people or die. The reasons just go on. I'm sure everyone has a different tale to tell about how love has ended in our lives.

But does love live forever? This kind of love? In our heart of hearts we yearn to say 'yes' love does last forever. But it doesn't. If we're completely honest with ourselves we know that it doesn't. It may last your whole life, and if so, you're a lucky person. But that is one love, there were others before that didn't last.

We love many, but last with very few. Often, when the relationship ends the love lingers, it's finger tugging and pulling at our aching hearts. At that time, it is living on, painfully live on, making us ache. But time mends or, in a sense, it kills love and we're able to move on. I do not believe that the love wasn't real to begin with, all love is real and we fall in love many times. But it is not a forever thing until, well... it is.

At last, we overcome our broken hearts and that love has died. But what about death? Does the love we have die when one of the bodies are gone? No, not really. But, in a sense, it does too. I know that makes no sense. But death pulls people apart and with no reason to hate we hold onto it, feeling cheated. You can't find a reason to stop loving, because there isn't one. Yet, most find that they are able to move on, to new love.

Does it mean that love died? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. The truth is that if it lives beyond death than what will happen when we all meet our maker and waiting for us is the first love whose life was taken and the new love whose spirit will join eventually? Which love will take precedence in death? If we love beyond the grave, we wait to be reunited. But if our left behind love has moved on, will they be ready for us when they come? Or will they be waiting for their new love?

That said, if love never dies, then in death love is even more complicated. I prefer to think that love may never die, it just moves on and lets go and once it's gone, it's never yours to claim or offer again. Think of the movie Ghost where she is told that he is taking their love with him. At that moment, she will never move on. How can she, knowing that he is beyond, loving her still? In a sense, to survive, love sometimes has to die.

Regardless of this complexity and my no doubt confusing post, I believe we should all fall in love as often as possible until the day comes when we're done.

Sissy

Something I like

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This One's For Chikku

Ok, I'm elaborating on a very intense moment I had in my life. It was the moment where I was kissed, quite passionately, by another woman. I was very young, probably about 21 or so. I led a very unstable life, moving all over the place and meeting a lot of people. I ended up, at one point, in a small corner of Hell in the deep south. I won't say where for the sake of not offending those who are there. But, trust me, it was horrible. This place was like another planet. Not only were they behind normal America (whatever normal is) in terms of style and music and habits and so on, but they were stuck a million years behind regarding race. Racism was alive and well. I would walk down the street of this decrepit little town with it's trash infested front yards and if I came across a black person there heads hung lower and their eyes drifted away from me. If I tried to spark a conversation somewhere or offer a friendly hello I was not only snubbed by the intended but also snubbed by the whites. I believe the black citizens in the town were not familiar with friendly white people and so weren't sure how to react to my openness. As for the majority of the whites there, they were simply racist a**holes. Pardon my language, but I have little tolerance for it. Needless to say, my circle of friends was very limited in that place. I was lonely and the only people who accepted me were my boyfriend and his best friend and girlfriend. I was miserable and felt as if home couldn't have been farther away than if I was actually living on the moon. I really couldn't believe that people lived that way. I often wonder if things have changed there in plus ten years since I've been, but I think probably not. Anyway, I wasn't there long and by some cruel twist of fate my boyfriend left me for someone that I could in no physical way compete with, if you can figure out...good for you. If not, I'd rather not say. But in the short in between lull of the dead relationship and my inevitable return home I sought comfort with the only female friend I had, the boyfriends best friend's girlfriend. Her relationship was equal to mine. Best friends were best friends, and we were all we had. We both were hellbent on getting home, me to Cali and her Tennessee. But before we got there, we stayed together always and helped each other mend our equally broken and devastated hearts. I had little suspect that she was also someone who had many previous relationships with women as well as men. Though I am a definite male lover, I try to not judge others and simply base my opinions on how the person behaves to me and to others. Should there choices be mistakes, let their Karma deal with it. What I'm trying to say is that I have never been interested in women, and I still am not, I don't really understand it or actually even approve (though disapproval is too harsh a word for how I feel). On one lonely, stormy day were trapped inside due to thunder and lightning and no power. We were comforted by each other and candle light as the children slept in the room next door. Hey, am I getting a hint of a cheesy romance here??? It was a brief moment and I can't really say what brought it on...the candles, the lightning, loneliness and the sense of comfort probably, but whatever it was...it became a moment. I know you know what moment I'm talking about. It's the moment we've all had, whether it be male to female or not. It's that sudden feeling of complete connection with another human being, that speck of time where there is nowhere else on the planet you want to be except right there with that person and the only way you can imagine continuing is if you feel that person's lips on yours. And so she did. I didn't, because I felt foolish (I'm straight) and because I saw it as beautiful time, but not necessarily a willingly romantic exchange. But there it was. She gently kissed me, long and tender with her hands on my shoulders. I didn't push her away. I was shocked, intrigued and even a little flattered. It was not trashy, no tongue or fondling. When we pulled away I think she knew that it was it was... a nice kiss shared by two people who were joined by the same heartbreak, but nothing more. Nothing else happened. It was it was and it didn't ruin anything, but I didn't want anything else to happen. We spent the night talking about that side of her that I didn't know anything about. She told me about her love affairs with women, and she made it sound as romantic as any male/female relationship. I appreciated her willingness to discuss it openly. And I appreciated her making me feel wanted and desirable in a crappy time of life, even if I couldn't want her back the same way. So it wasn't horrible moment, but it was a solo moment in my life. I have never kissed another woman, nor have I ever wanted to. And I don't believe I ever will, but I do feel the experience added to my life, as opposed to taking away from it. So, there you go, Chikku... that's how my kiss happened and what it meant to my life.

Sissy

Topic of the Day

The Boardwalk

I just got home after spending three days down at the Santa Cruz beach Boardwalk. It was my first visit, and my daughter's first visits. It's been a place I have always wanted to see, but never made the effort to do so. I am very glad I did.

The first time I ever even heard of the place was in the song called Under the Boardwalk. Now, I have a secret shame to admit here...it's the Bruce Willis version I heard. Yup, Bruce Willis had an album called the Return of Bruno, and I owned it. It really wasn't much to talk about (big surprise!!). However, he did amazingly well on that song. I actually still like his version the best. After hearing it, I wanted to be under the boardwalk on a blanket with my baby.

The next time the Boardwalk came to my attention was during my youthful vampire phase when I couldn't get enough of the movie the Lost Boys. I watched it over and over and loved the scenes where the Boardwalk was the background. The lights, noises and movements called to me and I was sure I was destined to move to Santa Cruz. I had no idea that it would be over twenty years later before I would even see the Boardwalk in real life, and would never live there.

Ok, that actual town of Santa Cruz fell short of what I was expecting. I thought of some classy, artsy, kind of mystical beach town (thanks Hollywood) would be waiting, but it was actually kinda trashy and beat down. Maybe there was a time it was more lively and attractive but those days are clearly over.

Though the town disappointed, the Boardwalk didn't. Ok, it kinda did, but it was no fault disappointment as it closes at five and I was sooooo looking forward to seeing the rides lit up and running in the night. I wanted to sit on the beach and watch the ferris wheel and roller coaster lights, eat corn dogs in the sand. But, alas, it was bright day light when the place closed down. I was bummed.



That said, the rest was really great. There were rides, food booths, souvenier booths, arcades, games and pictures everywhere. We went on a billion rides and laughed so hard we cried. My littlest went on her first roller coaster, the Hurricane, and loved it!!!And it isn't a tiny, baby roller coaster either. She won a teddy bear all by herself. We ate funnel cake with a pound of powdered sugar on it and spent $40 on quarter sized burgers and fries. It was ridiculously expensive but worth it.

I'm sure a lot what made it worth it was the company I kept. My kids were having a blast and that makes everything better. My husband wasn't acting like a cheapskate. And no one was sick!! We usually have one person sick on each family trip. It was a real good time for all of us. I wanted to share that here.

Under the Boardwalk, down by the sea....is where I'll be,
Sissy

Piglet's First Tooth

Well, just the other my little one lost her first tooth. She's a late bloomer so was really looking forward to the hillbilly smile. She realized it was loose when she bit into a popcorn and the kernel jimmied it loose. She was one happy little camper. But once it was loose it wouldn't come out fast enough. The kid just wouldn't leave it alone and yet there it stayed. Stubborn tooth!! But, at last, that fateful day arrived and she bit into an apple and out it popped!!! Whoo-Hoo! Finally. She was jumping all over the place yelping and screaming with excitement. The tooth fairy's coming! The tooth fairy's coming! She was beyond thrilled. She couldn't quit looking at the tooth, looking at the hole it came from, then the tooth, then the hole. And so on.... Until finally, in one of her mirror inspections she dropped the buggard down the drain in the bathroom. It's gone forever!! she cried. And no more tooth fairy. The horror. I got her calmed down and told her to cool her jet and listen. Hey, I said, write the tooth fairy a note and beg forgiveness for the error of your ornery ways. So she did. And here's what it said, word for fabulous word...

Dear tooth faery
I'm sorry thate I lost my tooth. Plese spare me some dollars.

Ha Ha....it's too great. Spare me some dollars!! I about spit all over myself when I read it. Of course, due to that, the tooth fairy HAD to make a stop, regardless of a missing tooth or not. I'm telling you, that child is too smart for her own good. But I love it.

Spare me some dollars.....LOL
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Stephen King

I have always loved reading. Ever since I can remember I have had a book in my hand. Of course I read children's books and then as I got older I switched to Sweet Valley High books. I bought and read and kept every single one, unable to decide if I wanted to be Elizabeth or Jessica Wakefield. Then I decided neither because their brother was so cute on the cover of the book, so I didn't want to be related to him. Anywhoooo.....

I got older (it tends to happen). I grew out of Sweet Valley High and needed to move on. But I wasn't sure what to read. I really had no idea what I might like. At the time I was going through a vampire phase. Don't ask me to explain it, I can't... I'm an odd card friends. Long story short, I came across Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot. Naturally, it's about vampires so I decided to give it a shot.

It was much longer than I was used to, and more intense so it took more concentration. I read mostly at night in bed, trying to get tired. I remember at one point in the story a character goes into a room and sees a rotting corpse hanging from the ceiling. In the story, it was figment but, in my imagination that night, it was very real. And not only real, it was hanging in my room. It had come to life and was right there next to me!! Oh, wait, that's my imagination. Oops! Well, it seemed real. At least it did from under my covers where I stayed all night. I was terrified and my vivid imagination was my worst enemy. Yeah, I was scared, so what? Well, I'm a glutton. Because the next morning the first thing I did was grab that book and dig into it again. I was hooked. I was scared, afraid of the dark, afraid of ghosts and afraid of dying...and I loved it.

From then on I was done. Stephen King was the bomb, though that term of affection had yet to be coined, so I guess he was 'tight'. I would now only read Stephen King. Over the next few years no other author's words radiated through my tender optics. I read The Shining, Carrie and Christine, mostly the early stuff. The thought of reading someone else felt like a betrayal. I did realize, eventually, that even Stephen King doesn't only read Stephen King and it was okay to broaden my literary horizons a bit, which I did with authors like VC Andrews and John Saul. Yup, I was a horror nut kiddies.

Well, years later (but not too many years), I still am loving Stephen King. Of course, as I've matured I've developed a love of many writers. I love Emily Bronte, Harper Lee, Dean Koontz, Iris Johanssen, Dan Brown, James Patterson, John Grisham and many, many more. I love all types. I am no longer exclusively horror. As a note: I don't always consider Stephen King to be horror. Though I don't know what you might call him. A supernatural-thriller-horror-psychological-dramatic writer.

And I continue to ramble people... make me stop already!

The only times I have not enjoyed reading a Stephen King book is his Dark Tower series. These books have a large following, but I'm not one of them. Everything else... yep, I'm there. It just seems to me that he reaches inside my head and pulls out things in there. His character personalities and the way they talk and move and grow just connect with me. I'm not sure if this makes us epistolary soul mates or I'm just a freak, but I like it.

I'm currently reading Duma Key, his newest book. It seems there has been a bit of a lull recently. Not that his books have gotten bad, they sure haven't, no sirree. But they haven't quite had that zing!! A little piece of I-have-no-idea-what was just missing. He recovered some with Lisey's Story. I finally felt connected again. I finally fell in love with the hero again, or heroine. But, here I am, just over only a hundred pages into Duma Key and I have fallen, fallen, fallen in love with Stephen King again. I don't really have the whole idea yet, it's too early for me to know yet, but what I do know is that Ed Freemantle reaches me just like Fran and Stu and Tom (m-o-o-n that spells moon) Cullen from the Stand, or John Coffey and Paul Edgecomb from the Green Mile, or Andy DuFraine from Shawshank Redemption and John Smith from the Dead Zone (which was turned into a pretty mother flippin good TV show too) did.

I could go on, and often do, but I won't. Just rest assured that a Stephen King novel satisfies me in it's own special way that no one else does, even when I love their novel as much. There is just a special something with Stephen King. He was my first....adult novel writer I read.

Happy Reading,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

I Love Kevin Spacey

I really love movies. I love all kinds of movies: horror, action, sci fi, romance, comedy, drama and so on, in no particular order. I love them for so many reasons. The escape, the entertainment, the appreciation of the entire process and the ability of others to convince me they are someone else. Granted, I don't know them, so it's not so hard to pretend they are who they say they are on the big screen. It might be harder to buy if it was my mother up there. I mean, I actually know who she is, bad habits and all. It'd be a little hard to get past it.

I have many favorite movies, but only one best favorite: Field of Dreams. I have many favorite actresses: Angelina Jolie (who's probably my most favorite), Julia Roberts, Jodie Foster, Sandra Bullock (whose comic talent is highly underrated). I also have many favorite actors: John Travolta, Nicolas Cage, John Cusack, Gabriel Byrne and, MOSTLY, Kevin Spacey. (Note: I really have lots more favorites, but not enough to mention all).

Anyway, Kevin Spacey has been my consistent favorite for many years. I think, though I'm not positive, that the first time I saw him was in the movie Seven (with Brad Pitt). I may have seen him before but I can't recall. What blew away about him went beyond his ability to connect with his character in a way that was so convincing and believable that it was borderline uncomfortable. Can you imagine how he felt? The thing that really got me was how he managed to steal the show, take the spotlight from actors like Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman and almost make you forget they're in it (well, not really cuz they're awesome, but you get my point). And he did this with only being in the movie for minutes. He doesn't even show up til the bitter, climactic end. Incredible!!

Then I saw him the Usual Suspects. Poor sweet Verbal!! Whatever. I was fooled. He was mesmerizing and captivating and totally believable and so on. His performance could only be upstaged by the incredibly clever and intricate plot and climax.

Now, I don't really love everything he is in. I really didn't care for American Beauty or Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. However, his talent still shone bright. And John Cusack was great in the latter too. I did enjoy K-Pax, Pay it Forward, The Life of David Gale (an underwatched and underappreciated movie also starring Kate Winslet), Fred Claus, the Negotiator and a Time to Kill. Yikes, I can't name them all...there's too many!

Kevin Spacey makes a not great movie bearable. He has a subtle presence that screams out. I'm guessing that's an oxymoron of a sentence, but it's true. His looks and charm are not flashy like those of Nicolas Cage or John Travolta. He's more everyday guy, yet not. Am I making any sense here, folks?? All I have to say is that he makes paying $8 for a movie a little less painful.

Thanks for listening to me ramble,
Sissy

I'm Slacking off

Ok, my posts are gonna be pretty slim for the next four or five days. I have some work issues at the moment and then we're leaving for a few days. I'm gonna try to post something tonight, but not sure I'll have time after doing some work. So, probably the only one really missing me is, well....me.

Topic of the Day

Things People Might be Surprised to Know About me

A girl once kissed me at her house

I didn't have boyfriend until I was 17

I really long to go skydiving

I won't step foot in the ocean, but love the beach

If I think about where meat comes from, it grosses me out

I have never seen a porno, nor do I want to see one

I love loud rock music in my car

The place I want to visit most is the Smithsonian

A great, great, great uncle of mine was Duke in Germany

My step uncle is Sonny Barger, founder of Hell's Angels

I was called the red barron in school

Math is my worst subject, but I work in banking

I once went to drink out of a straw on a date and stuck it up my nose, bleeding

I want to own my own movie theater

I have written 5 screenplays

I broke my sisters finger in the door

Tag

Ok, I did the tag thing. I kinda screwed it up and posted it on Chikku's comments. I have no clue. What happens next??

Topic of the Day

Where Have the Choices Gone??

Growing up I remember hearing my grandparents and even parents discuss the 'good old days'. Frankly, I didn't understand what could have been so great without color TV, walkman cassette players or Culture Club (Yikes! I know, don't say it please!!). But that's how I felt. I mean, at one point girls couldn't even wear pants to school!! What was so damn good about those days??

Well, of course, I didn't really get it. It wasn't there love of black and white television or listening to the Shadow on the radio that made them long for those days, it was the loss of values, the loss of safety and, my biggest gripe, the loss of having choices. They missed America in its purest form. Though I'm sure my grandma could definitely tolerated there being no Culture Club in the world.

As I mentioned, my biggest beef is that there aren't many choices available to us any more. Should I work? I have to, there's no choice there. Should I have only one or two children? I can't afford any more, I have no choice. Should I rent a house? I can't buy one, I have no choice. Should I buy a used car? I have no money for a new one, I have no choice. Should I drive my kids two blocks up the street? Children are being stolen from their own homes, I have no choice.

But listening to my grandparents tell me about those good ol' days and life was choices. Mothers worked if they so chose to, they sure didn't have to because fathers were able to take care of the family. A family was not a financial burden, but a blessing. A newly married couple had the ability to choose and buy a new home to start their life in. If you wanted a new car, you went down and bought one, with no credit check or money down. And the kids were allowed to roam all over town without the fear of being stolen and violated.

I do love life today. I love so many of things that have come to be over the years. I do love color TV, though I've outgrown Culture Club. But I so wish those days of choices and options were still here for us to enjoy. I wish that having children, a home, a car to drive and an education wasn't something for the wealthy to enjoy while the rest of struggle to pay electric bills and ride buses and never own a home.

I do have a lot to be grateful for. I do own a newer car and I did get an education and my children are taken of. However, I struggle daily to pay my bills and give my kids more. I'm not complaining, I am well aware that I have much more than many people in this country do. I grew up one of those people, and those are the people I ache for. I wish that the good, loving, decent people of this country all had equal opportunity for life's successes. Because contrary to how great this country is, and it is, there is still a lot of unfairness here.

I miss the good ol days too!
Sissy

Kinda Weird

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I'm not going to talk about that any more, but I thought there was recent strange coincidence. See, one of my favorite musicians is Jeff Healey. Now, Jeff Healey starred with Swayze in the movie Roadhouse. Well, he didn't really co-star in it but was seen throughout singing in the Double Deuce where Swayze's character worked. And he even had some spoken lines. Of course him in the movie made it even better for me. Well, long story short, Jeff Healey passed away a few days ago...of cancer. As I understand, it's the reason behind his blindness. Oh yeah, Jeff Healey was blind. Anyway, I thought the connection between the two guys and cancer was a bit eerie. Not to mention, I was saddened by the loss of a great musician. Now I can honestly kick myself in the butt for not seeing him live when he played less than three miles from my house many times over the years!! I'm a fool!!!
Shame on me,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Romance

To each person romance means something different. To some, romance is candlelight dinners or walks on the beach. To others, romance is hiking through the woods and sleeping close inside a tent made for one. Others, romance is dancing on the rooftops of city buildings. To me, many things are romantic.

I really feel the romance when a man washes my hair or paints my toes. I love seeing my name written in the sand. I love when it's cold outside and when there is only one coat available, I get it, no questions asked. I love in the winter when my guy goes out into the cold and warms my car up for me so it's warm when I go to work. Things like this are what make my heart smile.

Sure, I love the thought of taking a private jet to Paris for dinner, or jetting to the carribbean spur of the moment, and I love the possibility of getting very sparkly, large jewelry. Hello, what woman doesn't? Those things are great. Unrealistic, but great to imagine.

Money isn't romantic. And, frankly, flowers aren't romantic either if they come from an a**hole. It's all about the company and the honesty. Which is my point. It's who you're romantic with, not where or how. It's the genuine emotion and thought that goes into a moment spent together that makes it romantic, not long, deep planning based on a cliche or pocketbook.

I guess I'm reaching for something to say here. It's late and I'm sitting at home alone, maybe wishing I was feeling the romance right this minute. Romance is lacking in my life. However, it was recently our 8th anniversary of our first date. We spent it watching the movie we saw on our first date together, just as we have each year since that first date.

Now that is romantic.
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Patrick Swayze

Well, I heard today that Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer and felt the need to comment on that. Swayze is not my favorite actor by any means, nor have I even seen all of his movies. However, when I was thirteen a little movie called Dirty Dancing came out and I fell in love with him, dancing and music.

The first of the three times I saw that movie at the theater I was obsessed. I, of course, thought Swayze was the cutest guy ever. All I wanted to hear him say was, "Nobody puts Sissy in the corner." And the moves!! Hello. It still turns me on to watch him in that movie.

I also found myself obsessed with dancing. And not just funky little swaying, but real dancing. Sexy, racy ballroom dancing. Dirty Dancing. Though I was never financially able to take lessons and never really nurtured the love as much as I wanted, I never have quit loving dancing and I thank that movie for it.

That said, I can also say that I have fond memories of Swayze in movies like Roadhouse. I don't care how you slice it, that movie rocks. I just don't care how ridiculous you call it, I love it. It is just one of those movies. I've seen it a million times and will a million more. The name's Dalton. Hah... I love it. Again, Swayze was beautiful to look at in it. And the only thing I hate about it is the female lead screaming and asking him, "Who's gonna save them from you?" Uhh... piss off. Anyway, that's irrelevant to what I'm saying.

And I could never in a billion years forget Ghost. If you weren't in love with Patrick Swayze from Dirty Dancing, you were when Ghost came out. Good night!! He was so charming and lovable as a ghost. After that, it'd kinda ruin a chance for new love.

Anywho, Patrick Swayze has been in many movies that I have immensely enjoyed. And I love that him and his wife have maintained a successful marriage through the Hollywood crap, I love that he loves horses and I love that he grew up learning to dance from his mother. I just think he is probably the kind of person that doesn't deserve to have this cancer. But who is?? I know that.

I just wanted to say that I really admire him as an actor, and probably a person too and I'm sorry for him and his family and hope the best for them.

Thanks for listening,
Sissy

I'm a freak

Yeah, I'm not super great keeping up every day. Oh well, life happens. But here I am today. I spent the day yesterday taking my daughter to the park so I could test out my new digital camera. It rocks here are a few pics to show how awesome they turned out.

Flowers at the park. The view of the lake from the park


Local wildlife

Topic of the Day

More ABC's

Due to lack of brain power I'm resorting to a default topic. I can't think too hard right now or my head will explode, sorry!!

Angel wings will be my next tattoo
Burger King commercials make me sick
Coconut is one of the best smells
Dean Koontz is one of my fave writers
Emily Bronte wrote beautifully
Firemen are awesome
Green is one of my fave colors
Halloween is my favorite holiday
I love bald heads
Jelly beans are gross
Kiljoys bum me out
Love hurts, then heals
Milk tastes disgusting
Nylons suck
Opals are beautiful
Photography makes me happy
Quiet Riot used to be my fave
River Phoenix was born in my hometown
Sharks scare the crap out of me
The Shawshank Redemption was great
Uma Thurman is great in Kill Bill
Vince Vaughn is funny as hell
Wilted flowers depress me
X boyfriends should not be friends
Yul Brynner was amazing
Zack Wylde is a great guitarist

Topic of the Day

Remembering and Supporting

My husband and I went to see the movie Vantage Point last night and on the way home it resulted in much conversation (as they usually do with us). I won't give away anything about the movie but let's just say it brought up memories and discussions about 9/11. Now, I'm sure there are people who think that this topic has been run into the ground, but I say that's crap. In all of my life 9/11 is probably the single most horrifying, heart breaking, devastating and captivating thing I've ever seen or experienced. It shakes me to this very day.

As I was saying, we watched the movie, which obviously brought up the issue of terrorism or we wouldn't have been discussing 9/11. We were remembering when it happened. Our first anniversary was 9/9 of that year. Because it was our first, we went away for a few days. We came back late on 9/10. We were beat and slept in a bit. The kids were gone. We woke up and turned the TV on, I was dressing. My husband hollered for me to come see what was on. It was showing the first plane.

Our first thought was what a horrible accident. We couldn't figure out what could have happened for a pilot to hit that tower. We felt bad and just assumed it was a freak, tragic thing, (which it was). However, a few short moments later the other one hit. In that instant we both knew that it was not an accident of pilot error or something. We knew it was on purpose. And we knew many people were dying as we watched. I remember slumping in the chair, unable to move.

As the time went on and more knowledge was discovered and released to us the real horror of what happened hit me with the force no greater than those planes themselves. I watched the buildings fall, including the Pentagon being hit. I heard of those heroic passengers who saved the White House. I saw injured, filthy, frightened human beings run in terror, unable to believe the magnitude of what was happening to them. I saw people jump from floors so high up survival wasn't an option, and I understood their helplessness. I saw families on the streets with signs, pictures, hoping to find evidence that their loved ones had survived, probably many knowing with a sickness that they hadn't.

These images of my fellow humans: citizens, firemen, police, volunteers and heroes are with me to this very day, still raw with pain. I didn't know anyone lost in 9/11 but I still feel the pain of this country's loss.

We have begun to heal, fight back, rebuild and regain hope but I can't forget the horror. I can't forget the devastation of realizing that it actually happened right here my country.

And the dying didn't stop there. We have since lost many in the war that followed. I won't go into my political beliefs about, though they are strong in me. We are still losing people right this minute because of that one act of terrorism.

Here, my point begins to emerge. You do not have to support the war to support our troops. You don't have love what the president has done to love your country. The people who died on 9/11 (all of them: WTC, Pentagon and that Virginia field), had no choice in their deaths and it is a sadness that will live forever. In response to that sadness our men and women in the military have risen to the occassion of defending our country and put their lives on the line by going to the Middle East and fighting, killing and dying for the love of this country. I am honored, in awe of, proud of and having nothing but respect for them. To be willing to die for this country is beyond honorable.

To condemn the war is your choice, to condemn the honor that these soldiers deserve by doing what they are doing is to desecrate our country. And as hard as it for some to think it, if we pull out of the Middle East right now then those soldiers deaths will have been in vain. And it would be saying that there is no honor in there fighting and dying, that it was useless. I say that's crap. They and their loved ones deserve the pride in knowing that their deaths were for us, for America. We all wanted and want to stand up against terrorism but the soldiers over their are the ones who are walking the walk while we talk the talk. They have our backs. And no one should make them feel anything less than proud and appreciated and loved for their sacrifices and the sacrifices of their loved ones.

I give my thanks to them and I hope you do too,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

The Need for Interaction

I'm not the most social person I know. I'm very outgoing and do enjoy people. I work with the public and absolutely love meeting new people and having conversations with them. However, during my own downtime I'm just not a butterfly. I prefer the solitude of my own home and the laughter of my own kids. I adore time with my family. I should be more social, I know plenty of people to be social with, but I just don't do it often.

I've been thinking lately though that I should change that. I'm thinking that maybe part of my issues here at home are because of my lack of 'oneness' with myself, my lack of having a life that doesn't involve my family. Perhaps if I had more of a life outside the home than I'd be more happier inside the home.

The only problem I foresee with that is that I am somewhat of a social snob. Well, maybe not so much snob as in particular. I love the variety of people but don't neccesarily want to 'hang out' with them. When it comes to my time I am very picky about who I spend it with. I am very picky about who I do let into my life. I suppose I don't trust a lot of people. And I know for sure that there are certain behaviors displayed by people that just drive me crazy and I can't stand to be around it. I won't go into that this time.

The upside to my snobbery is that those few friends I have in my life and am close with are very exceptional humans. I absolutely adore them and love spending time with them. I trust them and feel trusted by them. Unfortunately, they do not live close enough to see often.

I think I need to learn to lower my standards a little bit and realize that not everyone can fit my mold. There are some characteristics that I will have to learn to tolerate from people if I want to be social. I don't want to be snob!!! I hate them. But people get on my nerves!! I'm horrible.

The thing is, as I'm getting older I'm beginning to realize the importance of having people in our lives. Relating is important. The feedback, support, humor, laughter and companionship you get from other people is a very fullfilling part of life. And it's a part I'm somewhat lacking.

From this point on, I'm making a point to not be so dang picky with others, to extend my friendliness beyond casual conversation and to make time to build friendships.

Wish me luck,
Sissy