Sorry Guys

Ok, it looks like my blogging days are over for now. I can't afford to have my computer fixed right now. However, I can access my email at work so I'm going out on a limb and posting my email address because I really want to keep in touch. I hope you do too. It is: loriberg@mchsi.com I hope I get to hear from you soon. And I hope you have all been doing well.
Sissy

Happy Father's Day

Hi guys!! I'm spending the night at my mom's and thought I would drop in to say Happy Father's Day to those it applies. I wish I could say I have a great day planned with my dad or my hubby but I do not. I don't speak to my dad, and my hubby has to work. Bummer. But I will be spending part of the day with the hubby, and part with my step dad (who is the best ever). I hope you all have a great one!!! Love to all of you dads and thanks!!
Sissy

Not as Young as I Used to Be

No, my computer isn't up and running I'm sorry to say. I'm at my mother's house!! As usual, my mom is always there to help me out. She's the best. Anyway, I thought I'd get on and give a hello to you all. I kinda miss the comraderie I've found here.

This has been a fun weekend. Went shopping with my girls and stopped at the park on the way home. For some strange, fuzzy minded reason I decided I was able to teach my kids some of my favorite gymnastic moves I used to practice when I was much younger, much more flexible and much thinner. However, I decided that having lost so much weight I was absolutely ready to give it another go. It's a defect I have, thinking I'm still 20 years old and rubbery. Well, I'm not.

However, I am pleased to say that I was able to pull them off. That's right! I did my standing back bends, round offs, and a few more things(damn! I'll never do the splits again). I was happy as hell to do it. So happy in fact, that I deemed it necessary to not only show my kids I could do it, but felt the need to show them I could do it many times. I'm pretty sure I hadn't hit my head in the process but looking back now I'm not so sure. Clearly I wasn't thinking about the aftermath of such physical bravado for someone in my physical condition. Lighter by 60 pounds doesn't equal Mary Lou Retton abilities.

I spent the afternoon doing these things, feeling like a million bucks that my body was cooperating, feeling even better that I was doing things my much younger, healthier kids can't do. I was showing and teaching, laughing and flipping all over the park. Piglet said I might be old but I could do cool things!! That was the best. I left feeling I might just be the best mom ever! Okay, maybe not, but it felt pretty darn good.

Fast forward to this morning....

Okay, not so good. Really. Not so good at all. Actually, really crappy. I am stiff, sore, tight and unable to move even my little toe without feeling muscles twitch and burn. It's ridiculous. I'm playing it down of course, not wanting to shatter the image my little one has of me, thinking I've only been inches away from Olympic glory because I am that good!!! But I hurt.

Actually, it's pretty funny. Sad and funny. I guess I still have a ways to go to get back into shape.

Sissy

Computer Gripes

Hi guys.Sorry it's been pathetic lately. My computer at home is on the fritz. Yup...I'm living in the dark ages!! I'm having to do this at work on my break. So, needless to say, my posts are going to be pretty lame for a while. I just don't have the time here at work to think too much or write much!! But I'm gonna continue to read and post when I can. Hopefully it won't be too long. I miss you all.

Money

I don't consider myself a materialistic person. Well, a little as in I like to shop and enjoy buying things for myself and other people. However, when push comes to shove, I know that what's real important in my life isn't money. The things that matter most to me are that my kids are mine and they're healthy, that I have a faithful husband, I have a job, I have a great family and great friends. That's what really matters to me.

Being a decent person with fairly good values is why the money issue bothers me so much. I have my priorities straight and yet still find that so much of my life is based on money. And I hate that.

The truth is that we struggle a great deal. I don't let myself feel sorry for myself because I am perfectly aware that so many people have it so much worse than I do. Regardless of how strapped I feel, I am still a lucky person. However, it does get frustrating that so much of my life revolves around money. I'm sure other people feel the same way. We don't want our lives to be about money, but it is.

It's a fact that we need it. We need to pay our rent or mortgage, we need to make car payments, we need to put gas in our cars, we need to buy food, we need to pay bills, we need money for bills and so much more. And if you don't have the money for these things then you suffer. You either have no home, can't pay your bills, go hungry and so on. Sometimes you have creditors banging down your door night and day. The list goes on. Money, money, money.

Whether we like it or not, we are forced to strive to make more money. We are pushed to the point of money being the guiding force behind what we do on a daily basis. I understand the need for money of course. And I understand that anything worth having is worth working for, so work and earn your money. But I still hate when every month I struggle to just to survive and have to really stretch my dollar to do anything extra for my kids or myself.

It just seems like a shame that so many of us have to work so hard just so we can get by. And sometimes we don't get by. We end up filing for bankruptcy, losing homes or cars, go on welfare, or live of Top Ramen. I'm lucky, I do get my bills paid and we manage to have some sort of life, as well as doing some extra things for the kids. But some months that doesn't work. And I think about my student loans coming due in January and wonder how we can afford an extra $300 bill. I don't know.

I know so many of us are in the same boat. And the cost to live just keeps getting higher and higher while we don't make any more money. Yet, you have people like our governor, Schwarzenegger, who made 20+ million dollars per film! How is possible? There is no balance. I believe there is enough money in this world for us all, it's just too bad we can't earn some of it. It's too bad that we have to live each day according to the dollar.

I don't suppose there is an easy answer to this. But the truth is, good people work hard every day and get so little in return. Believe me, there is no lack of gratefulness, but still. I suppose I sound ungrateful and shallow to some degree, but only in the sense that I feel we all deserve more, that we all deserve to feel secure and live without the knowledge that the reason we are losing cars and homes and have no freedom to break away from jobs we can't stand is because of money.

It can't buy you love, that much is soooo true. But it can buy you financial peace of mind, clear credit, a safe car, a good education and maybe lower your blood pressure.

Living in a material world,
Sissy

Crazy, I say , Crazy

Now that I am employed with the government I am quite happy to say that I get every dang holiday off, and don't work weekends. So I am extremely glad to have a three day weekend. All I could think about was having three days so I could clean my house and still have time to do other things. What a great concept. The thing I was looking forward to most was going to see the new Indiana Jones movie. Stupid me went ahead and mentioned out loud that I was going to take the kids and go this weekend since I have three magnificent days!! What???? Ox says. You can't go see that, I have to work this weekend. If I can't go, you can't go. Am I married to a five year old? I'm beginning to have my suspicions. He works every dang day I have off and I can't go to the movies. I know I'm whining, but I don't care. I want to see that movie. But now I have to wait til Tuesday, rush home from work and change so we can go see it. He's stubborn and crazy and a pain in my butt.
Here's to marriage...
Sissy

My Sister Has Lost Her Mind

That's right, my sister is looney tunes. I don't even know where to start. The truth is, it should have happened before. Let me give you a brief background, (I'll try to refrain from condemnation of certain people in our family).

First, Mel is my little sister, step sister actually. But we have been sisters since very early childhood. I can't stress enough how she is as much my sister as my blood sister is.

Ok, while were young we found out that her grandfather and uncle were molesting her and my other step sister quite frequently. Long story short: it brought a lot of pain and sorrow and the effects of it are still felt by all of us today. I'm only mentioning it because I think that it's important to know when trying to understand Mel because I think it's the driving force behind her whole life.

Mel always seemed to live in denial when dealing with the abuse. She always was nonchalant and often didn't understand why I had such a severe reaction to it. She has no animosity to her mother (who knew of the abuse for years) and no animosity to her father, even asking him to not press charges against the uncle. She didn't understand my hatred, I didn't understand her love of people I considered monsters. However, this difference never stopped us from loving and supporting each other.

At 14, Mel was introduced a man who was approaching mid 30's. This man briefly dated her mother. Her mother being the sick, disturbed person she is, encouraged the two of them to get together when she realized she didn't like the guy. Again, we were all appalled. Again, her father pressed no charges. Again, I was pissed off. Again, I blamed her mother.

Long story short, Mel married this guy when she was 18. They proceeded to have two kids. This weekend was to be there 12th anniversary. At this point, I'd become accustomed to them being together, though still kind of disgusted. Believe me, I expected a meltdown from her a long time ago. I thought she would wake up one day and realize that she missed her whole life. But it didn't happen.

Until now.

The last year Mel has been having issues regarding her abuse and has gotten to the point where she is now angry with her parents, and feels that I am one of only a few people who really had it together and wanted what was best for her all along. She's been trying to deal with a very ugly past. I'm helping as much as I can being a country apart. These problems did not come as a surprise, they just came later than I expected them to.

It was some time the last several months that she started questioning her marriage. I knew there was going to be problems with her realizing that she never had a chance to be young and have fun. I could see she was beginning to resent her husband too because of feeling that he took advantage of her when she was too young. Which he did!!

Anyway, no up to date. She called me two days ago and told me that she has left her husband. She wants a divorce, she doesn't want the kids and she has been cheating for over a year. She (and I quote) is a slut! Her words. She admitted to going out almost every weekend and sleeping with whoever she meets up with.

I was not surprised to hear of her leaving, but the rest has me shocked and concerned. I am so worried about my niece and nephew and how they must be feeling with the divorce, and their mom not wanting to take them. I'm concerned with my sister's emotional well being, I think she's handling the past totally the wrong way. And I'm worried about her physically, as she admitted to not using protection.

She did say she is seeing a therapist, but I'm not sure what the focus is on. I know why this is happening, I just am having a hard time with how it is happening. Like I said, nothing is happening that I didn't predict, it just took longer to happen. But I never expected her to change so much.

I'm just not sure what the appropriate things for me to say to her are. Is it more important for me to show her love and support, or to offer some opinions and guidance? Should I keep my mouth shut about some things? I did tell her to stop being a fool and use protection. That's non negotiable, big mouth opened. If I tell her I think her behavior is appalling it might do more harm than good. I don't know. I'd love any helpful advice.

Sissy

Dave Matthews

Ok, this kind of an odd topic. However, it's one I am quite fond of. I really love the music of Dave Matthews Band. And he's cute and charming as well. How can you not love that lazy drawl to his voice, people?? Honestly...oh, wait, I digress.

Cuteness aside, the music of this band really hits home for me. One of the things I like best about what I consider quality music is music that doesn't sound like anyone else(and there's no brainer music too, different kind of joy). I love it when you can hear only a few notes and know who it is because they are unique.

And I love when the words of the music mean something to me. I'm not saying I'm looking for something profound and intense every time I turn on the player, but when the lyrics move me, make me feel, then I know it's something special. It's the kind of feeling you get when you hear and you think to yourself, "Hey, they wrote that for me," because it fits so damn well.

Well, Dave Matthews does that for me. Not every single song mind you, but many of them. I love that bluesy, lazy, dramatic, kinda African beat. At best, the music makes me want to dance or make love. At worst, I cry. Whatever the case may be, more often than not, it moves me.

I often will listen to the lyrics (which can be a chore believe me) and I know that those thoughts come from something, something that goes beyond just fitting music to words, they are a part of something bigger. Now, I know what it may have meant to whoever wrote it may not be what it means to me, but I get it anyway. I feel the passion and intensity anyway. The autonomy of art makes it mine anyway. Sorry, Dave, you gave it away.

Naturally, I have some favorites: Crush, Don't Drink the Water, Smooth Rider, Halloween, Grey Street, Crash, Stay (Wasting Time) are just a few of my personal faves. You should give them a try. I have to caution, however, that in my experience with this band is that you either love or hate them. So don't be worried if you listen and don't like it, it is what it is.

As a side note, Dave Matthews has also dabbed in acting. He was in the remake of Where the Red Fern Grows, Because of Winn-Dixie and perhaps others, but I'm not sure. I don't suppose he'll win an Oscar any time soon, but he has a charm that sooths.

So, I urge you all to let me know what you think of Dave Matthews Band. Also, if you live in the California area I also ask for someone to go to a concert with me. No one I know likes him!! It's a travesty. Now, I can't really afford tickets (holy crap, they're expensive and sell out fast), but I'm willing to start saving if I don't have to go it alone. :-)

Don't Know Why I Like to Carry On....

Sissy

People's Intimate Lives

As you all know I recently started a new job. I've only been at it a few days so have really actually done a little more than general office work. I'm a superior court clerk in the family law division. It's something else let me tell you. There's about a bajillion things I'm gonna have to learn at some point. It's a serious job. Serious and important. Much more than any job I've ever had. Damn, I'm gonna have to be serious and all adult-like. WTF?

In family law we handle all of the filing, signing, judgments, declarations, petitions and orders regarding cases like divorces, domestic violence, adoptions, parental rights and forfeiture of rights. Generally speaking, it's a sad business. Aside from adoptions people don't come to my department when it's a good thing.

Each day me and my co-workers become privy to many people's private lives. We hear and read about their most intimate, sensitive, painful and heartbreaking details. We learn things that maybe even the people closest to them don't know. And all this time we are not allowed to show any form of personal involvement or opinion, nor can we offer any advice of any sort. I hope this is for obvious reasons I don't need to list.

The problem is that I am more interested in criminal law. Truth is, there's just too much pain in family law. A different kind of pain. I know now that as soon as I can I'll be leaving family law department and transferring. I'm sure that will not be any time soon, but as soon as I can.

But for all the sadness, there's joy too. Adoptions are a happy time. Balloons and flowers and celebrations. Sometimes even the divorces are a happy thing. Rarely are restraining orders, domestic violence, child abuse or elder abuse happy. These are miserable and I hate it.

My desire is to be part of the system that works to prevent the ugliness. All that said, however, I think I'm going to be happier at this job than I was at the bank, in spite of. I miss the girls. That's about it. And my merchants. But it feels good to use the education I'm paying thousands of dollars for.

There are just times when I'm getting more information than I feel the right to have. But I'll work on finding a balance.

Sissy

New Blog

Ok, just so you all know, I'm considering starting a new blog. Not because I want to, but I'm hoping if I do, it'll fix my problem of not being able to download photos any more or change my layout. When I actually get around to it, I'll let you all know.
Sissy

Sometimes Sadness Feels Good

Ok, generally speaking being sad is not a good thing. We feel sad and it's miserable. We think of sadness as a negative, something to overcome. And, for the most part,that's the case. It's tough to think of any times where it made us feel good to feel sad. It actually sounds a bit impossible. However, it's not.

I discovered that it's quite possible to be both sad and glad about it at the same time. Today was my last day at the bank. I start my new job at the courthouse tomorrow. I'm excited and nervous, definitely hating being the new kid on the block.

I was not looking forward to this day. I really like my bank job. Some things I didn't like, that's normal stuff. However, for the most part, I love the job. Mostly I love because of who I work with, as opposed to the actual job itself. The relationship I have with the girls is amazing. Today I realized how much it meant to me to know them.

They were very disheartened today, as was I. I was given beautiful notes and gestures of friendship. The things the girls expressed to me were so touching and loving. I am so proud to call them friends. Their words of encouragement for my future, joy at knowing me, and sadness at my leaving was intense.

Hence, the ability to feel glad about being sad. I was, and am, so sad about no longer spending time with each day, laughing and joking with our customers made me cry. Yet the joy that they feel as close to me as I do to them made that sadness sweet. I was glad they were upset and didn't want to me to go. It let me know that the friendships I've built there are real.

And, of course, I'll miss my customers, the wonderful local business people who I have been lucky to know. I'll miss Nick from Kragen Auto Parts, Mike from Sentry Market, Caroline from Curry's, Judy from Blue Lakes, Jag from New Marina, Jeff from Grocery Outlet, and many more. But I won't miss Michaela from the county, as I now am lucky enough to be able to call her a co worker at the courthouse.

So, it was a sad, but good day. Tomorrow's my new beginning, wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sissy

Tragedy

Ok, things have been bad here. I haven't written because a dear family I know has been struck by tragedy and things have been pretty depressing for them. There is a nice Spanish guy who owns a very awesome Mexican restaurant in town. He's literally from Spain. Kisses me on both cheeks every time we see each other. Kisses everyone that way. Very cool, nice person. Him and his wife do their business banking with us. Both are very kind, fun people who smile and laugh so much when we visit. She's a bit younger than him, but they clearly adore each other, it's easy to see it. However, she became a drinker and because of it became very depressed. It breaks my heart to have to say that last Friday she took her own life. It was shocking, devastating and very surprising to everyone, except maybe her husband. I'm not totally sure. All I know is that it has thrown not only him and his family into a tailspin but has also deeply affected those of us who call them friends. I have been horribly saddened and shocked and had a hard time believing it. I still am. The evidence of how loved she was, and he is, was at the memorial where it seemed half of the town showed up to give their support to Dino and to say goodbye to Lyn. It was very emotional and touching. Not everyone is aware how Lyn passed, but everyone would no doubt be as surprised as I have been. Anyway, things have been nothing short of hectic, especially with my job change coming up this week. I've been trying to help Dino as much as possible, as well as take care of all the issues I have leaving the bank (believe me, there's a lot of things to do when you leave a bank, security issues as well as system issues). That's why I've been absent. In all honesty, I'm still not really feeling like myself. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of things, be as normal as possible for me. But right now it's hard. I'm sure everyone can understand. I appreciate that. I'll try to get back in touch very soon. ASAP.
Sissy

Crazy Days

Ok, I haven't written in a few days. Things have been totally crazy. It all started Friday and only ended today, sort of. I don't know, the night isn't over yet. Anyway, my oldest turned 16 on Friday so after work I had to make stops to get cake, ice cream, balloons and all of that and then get home to a house full of giggling kids, as well as having at least one spend the night. The next morning I was up early, getting the daughter and some of her friends so we could drive two hours to a miniature golf course, arcade so that she could celebrate her birthday doing something fun. We got home late, took kids home then met the husband so we could catch a late showing of Iron Man (I'll post comments later). Sunday was spent cleaning until it was time to leave and take our little on to her very first concert in the bay area. Didn't get home til one in the morning. Then up at 6 for work. I'm beat!! I worked harder this weekend then I did all week. I plan writing something with a bit more entertainment value, but that will have to wait until I get some much needed sleep. I'm done....
Sissy

Giving Notice

As you know, I've recently gotten a job that I have really wanted for some time. I'm extremely excited and nervous and anxious and all of that good stuff. I really believe I'm heading in the right direction.

However, there is one thing that has been negative and emotional in this whole process. That's the reaction I have gotten at work regarding my inevitable departure. I am actually quite surprised and touched by all of it.

First, I want to say that when I told my manager about my leaving, she cried. That's right! Tears. How many times at a job is your boss so sad to see you leave that they cry? I was surprised and very touched. As for the girls, they are sad too. All have said how sorry they are for it, but given me many words of encouragement. They know how badly I want this. As a note, Katee will be taking over my new position. You may remember her from a recent post. She's awesome and will do great.

I don't know how many of you know what I do. I handle all of the business accounts at my bank. I mostly only deal with businesses and business owners who have accounts with us. I've had this position for almost two years. I noticed very quickly that one of the most important things to my merchants is that they get in, get there business done right and quickly. The faster they are out the happier they are. Because of this, I have worked my tail off to get faster and smoother, all the while staying accurate of course. I have succeeded very well and am rated the fastest in my position for our entire northern cal. district. Not to toot my own horn, but I have some very satisfied merchants. Katee will have to really step up to fill my spot. They now have really high expectations.

So, I have started telling my merchants that I am leaving and will be training Katee to take over. The response has been absolutely incredible. Basically, I have been forbid by all to leave! :-) They are very disappointed and don't want me to go. I am so proud that they feel so comfortable and have such confidence in me. I keep promising to work my butt off the next two weeks to get Katee up to par.

I never realized how important my job performance was to their lives and business. Their reaction has given me much pride and honor. I am genuinely surprised. I wish I had realized before how much it meant to them that I did my job so well.

The funny part is that a customer got me my new job. She works at the courthouse. She is married to one of my merchants who, I was told, is a major a-hole and never satisfied. Well, I was scared of him. However, right after taking over the job I won him over and he has been nothing but nice and kind and polite. He consistently praises me and vows I can't leave. It's ironic that I'm leaving because of his wife. He laughed, wished me well. I joked today when the both of them came in that I am leaving you for your wife!!

I know this is all stuff that probably bores you to tears, but I feel good writing about it. It's the best experience I've ever had working a job, and the hardest job to leave.

But my futures is calling me....Sissy....Sissy....I'm here, come and get me!!

Sissy

Yippee!!

Yee haw!! I'm a happy camper today. I've been very upset with my current career at the bank. I've been there a year and a half, been promoted and have not had one raise. It was really depressing me that I was working so hard, getting much more responsibility and yet nothing came of it. I was beginning to think I should look elsewhere. I was actually approached by a 'rival' bank, (yes, we have rivals in the banking industry...it's a cutthroat business lol).

As it goes, I was on my way to actually somewhat interview for a position at the other bank when I received a phone call from the courthouse, offering me a position that I had applied for several months ago.

I had given up the position since I was number 4 on the list and they only keep names on it for six months. It's been for. I wrote it off. But, lo and behold, they called and offered me a job. I jumped on it, as well as peed my pants. Well, not really, but I was really happy.

I start in two weeks and will be making $2 hour more, have benefits for the family, bonuses, retirement, vacations, as well as a lot of incentives. It's an amazing opportunity. It also will offer me a chance to use my criminal justice degree I worked so hard for. Now I am a Superior Court Clerk.

I'm soooooo happy!!

Let's hope I don't see any of you at work :-)
Sissy

My Bucket List

I saw the movie the Bucket List and even though it is so unrealistic it's almost ridiculous, it is still a fun, joyful, emotional movie that I really liked. So I got to thinking about what would be on my bucket list if I had one. Right away a million things come to mind: shop at mall with a no limit credit card, marry Brad Pitt :-), own a Corvette for every it's made, to name a few. But these are absurd. More like fantasy. What I wanted to think about is what would I TRULY want to put on that list. I imagined that I suddenly know my time is up, what is my next move? Other than spending every spare moment with my family, what would I want to do? Frankly, I really feel that having the luxury of being able to say goodbye is a bittersweet blessing that I think would make it easier. Yet that isn't DOING something, it isn't satisfying that need to have no regrets, the need to be able to say 'I did that'. So, I'm gonna try to keep it to a minimum. Here is my bucket list:

Parachute out of an airplane. That's right, I really do want to jump out of a perfectly good plane. I want to feel that rush of being weightless, free falling through the clouds and wind.

Follow Route 66 all the way from start to finish on the back of a motorcycle, arms around my favorite guy.

Go to Ireland. I don't know why, I just do. I'm certainly not Irish, at least not in this life.

Take my kids to Disney World. The way my life is going I'll never even make Disneyland, but Disney World would be the absolute best. Disney really is the happiest place on Earth.

Swim with dolphins. Ok, I'm terrified of the ocean. Well, not actually the ocean. It's beautiful, I love to swim and I love the beach. However, other than losing my kids, sharks are just about the one and only thing that really terrifies. I mean it. I hate them. I can't even see them on TV, even fake ones, without being scared and having nightmares. But I love dolphins and can't imagine the feel of one touching me as we glide effortlessly through the blue water. The clear water, so I can see what's coming.

Visit every inch of the Smithsonian. The history of this country: old and new, good and bad, fun and miserable can all be found at the Smithsonian. Every incredible and fascinating thing in our past, present and future is there and I want to see every bit of it.

Learn to ballroom dance. I love it. I love to see it and when I'm alone I love to pretend I know how to do it. In this lifetime, I'd like to more than pretend. Preferably, I'd like to learn with my husband, but that won't happen.

Make up with my dad. I miss him.

So, there it is. My bucket list. I suppose there is more, I'm sure of it. But I won't be greedy. I'll just keep it to a minimum and save some stuff for someone else's bucket list.

Here's to hoping I'll not be kicking any time soon,
Sissy

Today...I wear flip flops!!

That's right. Today is amazingly beautiful and I have the day off so it is my first dance with the liberating world of flip flop wearing. Granted, they often leave style to wind in exchange for breeziness and comfort, but who cares? They may not make my outfit but they are making my day. My dogs are happy and eating up the sunshine. They feel free. As it goes, I'm an extremely white, bordering on transparent, person and can stand nothing more than when my tan line ends at my ankles with a vivid stripe. Sorry, no I'm not wearing white booties, that's my horrendous tan line! Hence, I love the flip flop. Shall I continue on and also mention that I'm currently wearing, along with said flip flops, a wife beater and brown skirt, aching to feel the fresh air everywhere possible and still be legal. The skirt wearing is a feat I'm especially proud of as I have not worn one in about 8 years, due to being heavier and self conscious. But now, no longer being a size 20, I feel great. I'm a size 10 now and plan on wearing skirts and shorts all summer, along with the ever pleasant flip flops.

Happy Summer,
Sissy

Men are Ridiculous

I have to write about this because the absurdity of what goes on at the bank I work at is so hilarious. Let me just say that what I'm talking about is a daily where I work, daily. That means each day.

I'll start by saying that we are a small community, small bank. We have 10 employees, all of us are women. We range from 19-52. Mostly in the twentysomething range. I'm the third oldest at 33. Some of us are married, all are seriously involved. We range in many shapes and colors. Frankly, we are a beautiful team, inside and out. I love the girls I work with.

Ok, now for the beginning of my point...

One girl in particular, Katee, who is 22, 5 foot 8, 120 pounds, generous breasts, adorable freckles, long legs, small butt, long hair and perfect teeth, makes us all feel especially inferior. Just kidding, she is really extremely model stunning but she also happens to be very funny, witty and quite smart. She's a great package in and out. I love her.

Now that you know a little about Katee you should know that she has little competition in terms of stereotypical beauty. I think we have some really stunning girls, but Katee fits the mold society has created as being the epitome of beauty. That said, I'll move on.

Each day we are faced with knowledge that we are no Katee!! Sir, I'd be happy to help you. Thanks, but I'm waiting for Katee! Go ahead of me ma'am, I'm waiting for Katee. Hey, where is Katee? I haven't seen Katee, where is she? Does Katee have a boyfriend? "how would you like your change sir?" What? Oh, sorry I was looking at Katee. Can you get me Katee's phone number?

Believe me, I know how it sounds. It sounds like an exaggeration. But it isn't, I kid you not. We have one man who slips his wedding ring off when he enters the bank and will only go to Katee. There is another who spends every minute talking about her beauty, only to add half heartedly as he leaves that we're pretty too. Gee, thanks buddy. Our Brinks truck driver radios his partner inside the vault so he can tell Katee how pretty she is and she should be on the Next Top Model. One guy physically leaned across two customers to get close to her and had to be snapped at twice to get back to business. Another, much older, man looks in every corner for her, and grills us as to where she is. Is she with a boy? And so on and so and scooby dooby doo....

The behavior these men and boys revert to is incredible and ridiculous. I wonder if these guys realize the way they are acting. It's hilarious. I told her today that I'm really glad she uses her super powers for good. She laughs. Frankly, I think she herself is sick of it. She is really smart, but men treat her like that doesn't matter. In that sense, I feel bad for her.

Having stated all that I will add that is in fact quite true that Katee could be the next top model, if she wanted to, but she doesn't and I think that earns her some points in my book....

I love ya Katee.
Sissy

Flirting, Or Friendly Conversation??

Last night me and the husband and kids went to good old Wal-Mart. Hey, we need excitement too! As well as toothpaste. Anyway, we managed to accumulate all of our necessities, which always seem to total at least a hundred dollars, which we can ill afford. We proceed to checkout.

Ox and kids stand idly by while I control the debit machine. Our checker is a young man about 20ish. He is very nice. Comments on my movie purchase (The Princess Bride, love it). He loves it too! Insert shared laughter about key film parts. Now we discuss the crazy weather. It's hot, it's cold. Dang, I had to start a fire last night, and was wearing cutoffs yesterday, what's up with the bipolar weather??

Purchases made, leave the store. Now we are driving home. Yee Haw...Def Leppard concert on the radio. Wait, no, he's turning it off. I was listening to that you know.

"It was fun watching that kid hit on you," he tells me. What? He was not!! "Yes, he was," says the peanut gallery in the backseat (thanks Slim). I explain we were simply having a friendly conversation and no one was hitting on anyone. I proceed to say that I have conversations such as those several times a day with customers at work. "So, guys hit on you all day?" he asks. Ummm...ok, now what do I say? NO ONE hit on me!! He insists differently. Well, I say, if he was flirting with me than I was flirting with him too as were both enjoying the conversation. "Yes, you were flirting too," he says.

Now what do I say? I thought it was a nice, fun conversation. The boy was young enough to almost be my son. Well, not quite, but young anyway.

So, my question is this: what's the difference between flirting and friendly conversation? Is there a difference? If so, am I skanky and flirty with the boys/men? Where's the dang line? How do I know when I cross it?

So, then I had to do a repair job. He's wondering why his wife and the Wal-Mart clerk are flirting right in front of him. And I'm wondering why he's so uptight because I enjoy conversing with people. And if the conversation I had with that person was flirtatious then I am sorry to say I do flirt daily, and not only with the boys!!

Sissy

A small laugh

I have a friend here that is a writer. He frequents the bank and we have many conversations about great literature and films and so on. In reality, if he comes in I often neglect other work. It's true. I'm ashamed!! Anyway, he's very clever and I like talking to him. He's older and has been around. He even knew Harper Lee, who wrote the amazing novel "To Kill a Mockingbird". Well, this author friend of mine wrote a book called "The Court of the Lion". It's a very long, intense novel about the Tang dynasty. Very serious and detailed. Not a light read. Anyway, I digress. He came in today and we were talking about his current venture, a new book. He decided to share a funny story. He had written a few chapters and sent them to his editor who wrote back, wanting to know why he finds it necessary to write about a crap filled lake. Huh??? Dan is thinking wtf is she talking about??? Long story short, he meant to write about the CARP filled lake!!! But spell check didn't catch it because crap is a word!! Ok, maybe it's not as funny writing or reading about it as it was when he was telling me today, but I think if you use your imagination you can picture the scenario. I busted out laughing!! I couldn't stop and had to actually take a break to calm down. I don't know if it was the way he told it, or the idea of a crap filled lake, but it struck me as hilarious. Just thought I'd share some humor....
Sissy

Why do I bother??

I've went on strike about 75 times this year. Really. I will walk into my daughters bathroom and see the caked on toothpaste in the sink, the disgusting bathtub ring, fourteen pairs of pants piled in the corner and a myriad of products littering every empty space and I think: "If I can dig my way out back into the light, I'm never coming in to this hurricane again."

I vow that I will never step foot into the dark abyss known as my daughters bathroom. There is so much crap in it that I feel fairly certain there are some new species or lifeforms growing in my very own house. Do I throw up, or call NASA with the great new discovery, hoping they'll name it after me?

However, my disgust and horror and the utter depravity subsides and find myself on my hands and knees, clawing my way through the clothes piles, scrubbing my way through the grime...leaving a glowing, sanitized bathing area in its place.

Why do I do it? Why do I vow to not do it ever again and let them deal with their own messes and then clean it anyway? What is wrong with me? Am I defective? Do I have the Donna Reed gene that forces me to clean, even when I don't want to?

I know what you're saying, make those little buggers do it themselves. Honestly, they made the mess. They make it, I clean it. I cook it, they eat. They wear it, I wash it. Do you see the pattern?

Ok, I'm totally serious now. I will not clean that filthy, disgusting pigsty of a bathroom again, regardless of what might be growing underneath the clothes pile. I won't do it!!!

Staying strong,
Sissy

Cats or Dogs???

Ok, which do you like best???

Me, I'm a cat person. I like independence, and I like their snobbiness. Plus, I love burying my face in the soft fur of their underbelly.

Now, how about you? Which do you prefer? And why?

Sissy

My Guilty Pleasures

Ok, here are some of my favorite guilty pleasures in life. The list is far too long and likely to be illegal in some states (LOL) so I'll keep it simple.

Chocolate Covered Peanuts- Love them sooooo much.

Buttered Popcorn dipped in Nacho Cheese- This is my absolute favorite movie snack. I can speed through about 3000 calories in a nanosecond when my cravings go this route.

Action Movies- Yup, I love watching sh*t get blown up and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

People Magazine- I try to avoid the whole Hollywood gossip thing, but I love people magazine and though I don't subscribe, I should.

Rick James' song Superfreak- Hello, this song moves! It's ridiculous and absurd but has me on my feet doing the Running Man and howling at the moon in no time.

Dirty Rap Songs- Generally speaking, I hate rap music. I just don't find it entertaining or musical. However, there are a few choice (frankly, x-rated) songs that I can't help but listen to.

Candles- I spend way too much money on candles. Well, actually anything scented vanilla or coconut.

Bad Boys- I like bad boys. It's true. But so do you. Come one, what girl doesn't? Remember Johnny Depp and Richard Grieco on 21 Jump Street? Or Lorenzo Lamas on Renegade? Not the best shows, but great bad boys.

80's music- I love the music of the 80's (minus the Thompson Twins).

And my numero uno secret shame:

I steal pens!! That's right, I'm a pen klepto. If you have a pen and use it front of me, or let me borrow one...you will NOT get it back and that's a promise!!

As a side note: The Dollar Store, second hand stores and garage sales are also an addictive guilty pleasure of mine.

Ok, now you know what a moron I am...

Sissy

The Forbidden Kingdom

We just got home from watching the new Jackie Chan/Jet Li movie, The Forbidden Kingdom. I have been a giant Jackie Chan fan for a VERY long time and have seen pretty much everything he's been in, including the movies he made in Hong Kong. I even own and have actually read his biography. (As a note: I really loved it and found myself feeling inspired, saddened, humored and touched by his story, I recommend it for sure).

Though I can't say I've been a huge Jet Li fan for forever and a day I can say that I have been a fan for a while. I guess it was probably when Lethal Weapon 4 came out (I love those movies). I thought Jet Li was amazing and found myself wishing I was his beloved girlfriend, oops!! I mean, pupil, of course.

I don't have an infatuation with Asian men, martial arts, Asian culture or films, though I do tend to love martial arts films, I admit. I pretty much love action movies. Well, lots of movies really. But I have a soft spot for action. And I really love a great action movie bad guy...and good guys too, sometimes. Jackie Chan is the good guy, and how can you not love him? But Jet Li is sooooo good when he's bad.

Back to the movie. In it, both are good guys. Actually, both are two (adding up to four) good guys. Both have dual roles. I won't give away any details, promise. No spoilers here!

When I heard about this movie I was so excited I almost peed my pants. Okay, maybe it was more of a dribble, but I was REALLY excited anywho. I could not wait to see my two favorite Asian action stars in one movie! It was too good to be true. I've been waiting patiently for it, knowing it had to be amazing to see them two working together.

Was I disappointed, or satisfied? Guess....

Ok, I won't make you guess. I loved it!!! Loved it, loved it and loved it. Did I mention, I loved it?

Well, I have to be honest and admit that the plot was reminiscent of some other movies I've seen, but what movie isn't? But it just didn't matter. It was too much fun.

We all know that Jackie Chan is a funny guy. He often seems the reluctant, bewildered hero (not counting the Rush Hour films). He's just funny and comes across as lovable. This movie was no different, aside from having some serious dreds going on. However, what some may not realize is that Jet Li is also quite funny and charming. To be honest, I didn't really know myself. Though he does take on his more serious persona that I find so sexy and mysterious he also has a role that is, frankly, silly and ridiculous. I mean that in a good way. He was too cute.

As a side note while I'm talking about characters here I have to say the kid in the movie (can't recall his name) reminds me so much of Colin Ferrell. Is it just me? Anyway, he was really cute, though he had chest chair but seemed so young. Not sure why I associate chest hair solely with large, older men, but I do.

Okay, I'm focusing.

Naturally, there has to be fight scene between the two. Who would forgive the filmmakers if they cast Jackie Chan and Jet Li in a movie together and then didn't have a fight scene? It would be like casting Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and then they never dance.

So, the fight scene was quite long (thank you!!) and very fast paced (thanks again!!). And it was so entertaining. They played off of each other so well. What fun it would have been to be there while they made it. There is a lot of moves that are much like what I first saw in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. You know, the floating on flowers and sword blades, but it's ok. Generally, I like the traditional and realistic fighting, but this kind is okay too. They are not supposed to be 'normal' men, so doing the impossible works fine.

So, I don't think I've given away very much about the actual movie. If you think I have, sue me. Not that you'll get much. I just wanted to sing my praises of a really fun movie starring to really great entertainers. I hope you will go see it too and enjoy it as much as I did.

See you at the movies,
Sissy

I'm an Odd Card & No One Gets Me

Brief Note: I'm changing the topic of the day, eliminating it actually. Now that I'm back at work full time I can't get online every day, so I'll get on when I can.

ALWAYS THE WEIRDO

Ok, the title of this blog kind of implies that I'm whining and upset about being the odd card and that no one gets me. The truth of the matter is just the opposite, I actually really like being the one that is different and hard to get. I don't see it as a bad thing, except when I say something I think is extremely funny and yet everyone is looking at me as if I just made a racial joke at an NAACP meeting. (as a note: this would never be me, I'm not that odd or rude).

The thing about me is that I sometimes laugh at things in life, things people say or parts of movies that I find hilarious, and yet I find I'm often the only one laughing. My sense of humor is, at best, odd. Like me.

I look at things a lot differently than most people. I just have different ways of thinking. It tends to make the odd man out. And it's ok with me. Truth is, I think it's us odd ones that make life more interesting. I may come off as weird or even snobby, but I'm not. I just see things from a unique angle.

Happy to be Weird,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Teenage Girls

I remember being a teenager as being a very fun and happy time for me. I wasn't worried about adult issues, like sex and relationships, I just wanted to have fun. Well, that did change and I ended up a mother at 18. However, until I was 17, being a teenager was all about fun. I hung out with friends, my sister, went to movies and the mall. Good times. And, to be honest, my parents seemed pretty pleased with who I was too. I got a long with them and actually enjoyed conversing with them as well. Maybe I'm a weirdo, who knows?

But times have changed. Teenage girls do not have the same kind of fun that we did. They are worried about the adult issues, like sex and guys and makeup and being cool. Cool, to me, was buying the newest Van Halen cassette (that's right,no cd's). But not now. I think about this a lot since I have daughter who is almost 16, and she's had more boyfriends already than I practically have my whole life.

She's a good kid, mostly. Kind of total brat when it comes to school and helping around the house. But she hasn't gotten into drinking or smoking and has not ever been in any real trouble at school. (listen, I'm knocking as I write). That said, she still finds it necessary to have a boyfriend or she's bummed out, and when she has one she is totally absorbed in it. He becomes her life, and they speak to each other as if they are old married people, even referring to each other as spouses!! wtf!!???

Kids should not be like this!! They should be worried about other things. But not about sex and relationships and drinking. I just don't understand and feel bad that they are growing up so fast. When I was a young girl growing up fast meant we needed to finally buy a training bra at 12 years old. Nowadays the 12 year old girls are already growing bigger boobs than me!!

Frankly, my daughter is like an alien to me. I just can't understand her. I try. I'm a pretty cool mom. I'm pretty lenient and kickback. She doesn't really have any chores. She is doing horrible in school and isn't grounded for life (though I'm seriously considering that option). But no matter what I do, I just don't get her. I ask her to take out the trash or pick up the bathroom or tell her to come inside and she acts as if she was just told she was going to military school. I'm such a slave driver!! Whatever!

I love her, but I'm beginning to think I made mess of it along the way somewhere. I grew up and did what I was told, and didn't whine and sulk and get pissy about it. I didn't consider it an act of tyranny when I was told to do dishes. Oh, where have I gone wrong? Ok, that's a little dramatic, but still. Who the heck is this foreigner in my house?

Dazed and Confused,
Sissy

Missing Things

Hey, it's been a while since I've touched base. Just wanted to say, 'hey I'm still alive'. I have a sick little one and she's demanding a lot of care. Today's a little better so trying to catch up.
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Some Favorite Quotes of Mine

Well behaved women rarely make history- Marilyn Monroe

From my rotting body flowers shall grown and I am in them and that is eternity- Edvard Munch

One of the most adventurous things left us is to go to bed. For no one can lay a hand on our dreams- E.V. Lucas

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them as much- Oscar Wilde

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same- Elbert Hubbard

Imagination is more important than knowledge- Albert Einstein

It's not that I'm so smart, it's that I stay with problems longer- Albert Einstein

Unbeing dead isn't being alive- E.E. Cummings

Green is the prime color of the world, and that from which its loveliness arises- Pedro Calderon de la Barca

We loved with a love that was more than love- Edgar Allan Poe

Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it- Confucius

You can't wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club- Jack London

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'- Yoda

Not deciding is deciding not to- Tony Robbins

THERE ARE MORE, TOO MANY MORE. MAYBE I'LL ADD ON HERE AND THERE....
SISSY

Topic of the Day

When Cuteness Turns Annoying

Once upon a time I was dating a guy and he had this funny quirk where he would make this little blowing sound while he sleeps. He would lay next to me at night and I would hear this little whisper of escaping air gently passing his lips and fading into the dark. I would smile and chuckle about how I had never seen that before and that it was adorable and silly at the same time.

Ok, fast forward to some years later....

If I have to hear that whispering waking me from my sleep one more time I'm going to scream!! I mean it. There I am, relaxed and coasting into dreamland and suddenly, next to me, and sometimes felt on my skin, is this incessant deflating tire sound. Ugh! Not so cute.

I have to laugh at the sudden change. When I used to want to snuggle next to him due to its adorability factor, now I just want to elbow him and make him roll over so he'll stop. Honestly, it isn't even a snore. It's like the sound a ball makes when you let the air out of it. And if he's close enough and I have to hear that blasted sound or feel that hot air on me it really just makes me want to slug him, asleep or not.

Why do you suppose those little habits that once were charming and lovable become annoying and violence inducive? (is that a word??) And you know it's not just his little deflation, there's a lot of things I thought were once kinda cute and endearing and now find a pain in my butt and ridiculous.

He'll wake me up with it and the next morning I'm totally bitchy to him. That's right, he absolutely should have total control of his unconscious body functions, even in sleep. How can you be so annoying? Huh?? He has no clue, yet I'm still holding it against. Oh, you know what you did Mr. I-Have-A-Hole-In-My-Michelin??

That said, there are a few qualities about him that I loved then and I love now. Some are physical qualities, like his crows feet. He hates them, but I think they are the cutest, sexiest things ever. When we kiss I love taking my fingers and running them along the corners of his eyes. And he has this little way of puckering his lips when he says certain words. Awww...so cute. Reminds me of Tim Robbins, but cuter.

I don't know, marriage and years together really change you. You really become someone new. You are still you, but you're also a 'we' now. When you're just a 'dater', you're living to impress, open to that person, not focused on yourself. But when you're married and together some time you become more apt to focus on yourself again and so the things you the dater didn't mind are now a thorn in your married side.

However, that said, nothing beats being with someone who knows you so well. It's great knowing you can wake up with morning breath, leave off makeup for a week, burp after a large soda or smell like vomit after a week with the flu and that there is someone who loves you, wants you, needs you and all of those disgusting things just don't matter as much as the love that you share together, the comfort and companionship of finding your soul mate.

And I think I have...
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Yup....Still Human

This summer I will have my 8th wedding anniversary. To me, this is a feat I had long believed virtually impossible. You see, I have issues. Yeah, me, who knew? But I do. My biggest issue in terms of relationships is that: 1)I always hated sharing my bed with anyone 2)I can't stand most people for more than 15 minutes when alone with them 3)Bathrooms are not meant to be occupied by 2 4)No one ever gets my ridiculous jokes!!

Well, after some time, I found someone I actually prefer to keep in bed with me, we have fun together long after 15 minutes, he not only gets my jokes but makes dumb ones of his own. However, I still hate sharing the bathroom, that's a forever thing! All in all, we're usually a pretty satisfied couple. As long as we don't bring up money, religion, politics or the children...holy crud, what do we talk about???

Anyway, married or not, I'm a human being. A not so old, somewhat attractive, fun, woman. What this means is that I still have many of the same thoughts, opinions, and dreams as I always did.

Trust me, there's a point and I promise to get to it.

I work with the public and meet a lot of people on a daily basis. Many, people come into the bank day in and day out. I see many familiar faces each week, and many new ones too. A huge variety of people. I love it.

There are a select few people that we come to know well and have a big fondness for. These people are usually the ones with cute kids, cute animals, nice old people and cute men. That's right, we like cute men! We're a bank whose employees are 100% women and we like the cute boys that come in. There's no shame. We're not dead for crying out loud.

Anyway, out of our cute crushes I have one in particular that I am fond of. I think I like him because he reminds of Dave Matthews who I think is adorable and funny as hell. He's cute and I bribe him to my window with candy and it works every time.

Well, today a very young and quite adorable healthy guy came to my window, instantly reminding me of the late Heath Ledger. Really, really cute. I was extremely glad he ended up with me. Lo and behold, he hands me some money and a deposit slip that has my cute little Dave Matthews look a likes name on it. Huh??? Why??? Oh, we're business partners he explains. Oh, your partner is nice and adorable too. He laughs. I'll take your word for that he says. Of course I'm thinking he's pretty darn cute himself, thank you.

I'm helping him and constantly imagining that these two guys are business partners and clearly friends. They work along side each other. And all I can think of is...sweet!! The two of them in the same place. Ok, I suddenly think I need some computer tech support and pronto! (that's there business specialty).

The point of this is that I stood there googling to myself about how darn fine these two guys are and I am over 30, married with two kids and I'm at work!! So, I think to myself: that's right, I'm still human after all.

It was a good time. Granted,they don't smell like sawdust and sweat, maybe more like microchips and wiring, but who cares? I'll ogle them anyway. Why not? I'm married, not dead.

I still look & you can too,
Sissy

Blogger is pissing me off now

Ok, I'm a relatively new blogger. I've discovered that I really like it. Even though I don't have much of a following, thank goodness for Chikku or I wouldn't have any!! Thanks, by the way. I love her. Anyway, fans or not, I really just like writing it for myself even. It's relaxing and therapeutic. However, I've recently run into a snag that has me fuming. I can no longer edit my layout or add pictures to my posts. Now, I can live without changing my layout I suppose, but I really like adding pictures to my posts. I don't know what the heck happened. It was fine one day, gone to crap the next. I've tried every help area I can find, tried changing browsers and so on. Nothing works. So, I'm venting right now, and maybe someone will read and offer advice.
Sissy

Topic of the Day

A Healthy Dose of Unreality

Never underestimate the power of a good imagination. I realize that we must be grown up, but we don't have to numb and boring. We are encouraged from an early age to think big and use our imaginations to create things and take us places. Our parents want us to go outside or in our rooms and pretend something!! There's nothing to do, we say. Then pretend you're a horse or something, we were told.

Imagination will take you places. It turns your backyard into the African jungle, a tennis racket into a guitar, your bed into a roomy station wagon and your hallway into a runway. We laugh and play and pretend our mom's giant makeup kit is a super intelligent computer system. We don't need money or things to be happy, just our imaginations.

So, why is it when we get older we are told to put those imaginations away and focus, live in the real world. Stop living with your heads in the clouds, pay attention to school and work and so on. Your imagination is causing you nothing but trouble, they tell us.

Gee, which is it already?

Well, in my opinion, I think ceasing to use the imagination that gave us so much joy and entertainment as kids is a travesty! Why do we need to stop imagining things, playing make believe in our imagination? It's healthy. And it can still take us places. What's so wrong with imagining yourself as the first lady president, or imagining that your Oscar acceptance speech? Frankly, I often imagine how it might be if I suddenly became the criminal psychologist I wish I was.

I don't think we should be afraid of using our imaginations...we should be afraid of NOT using them.

Dream On,
Sissy

Sweat and Sawdust

I saw something today that made me think of just about the sexiest thing I think I've seen and smelled. And that is a man who is sweaty and has been working with wood. The combination of sweat and sawdust is intoxicating. Now, if they're shirtless...even better. A young guy came into work today, clearly having just finished working with wood (he's a cabinet maker as I found out). The way he looked and smelled was so great. It's like good pheronomes. So next time you have a chance to be close to a man fresh off a woodworking job, by all means...get close. Not offensive, piss off your husband close, but close enough to enjoy that raw, organic, natural smell.
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Generosity and Kindness

In my opinion are just not nice enough any more. Not that there aren't nice people, of course there are. But, for the most part, people just don't seem as nice as they used to.

However, today was a good day for nice people. I work at the bank, handling the business accounts. I meet a lot of people every day. Most are not new customers, as I handle most of the same accounts each day. Yet there are days when I do get to meet some new people, when I'm having slow days with my merchants.

I've found that it's true people don't seem to be as nice, as I mentioned. However, with that said, I stress the word 'seem'. I've discovered that it may seem as if someone isn't very neighborly when, in fact, they are, but don't show it. My guess is that they figure the same as I do, that people aren't kind anyway. Or perhaps they are just to busy.

Today, was a slow day and so I was able to take some time with people that I don't usually have the luxury of doing. Having a leisure conversation with anyone is a luxury I'm rarely afforded at my job. But having been able to today, and enjoying it immensely, got me to thinking about the different people I have met through work.

I have been given candy, flowers, cards and many thoughtful treasures, as well as some verbal praise at work from the customers. I have broken through some tough exteriors of people most of my co-workers can't stand because of rudeness.

I think of them now and smile. The simple act of remembering a bitter seeming older lady's name changed her from nasty to nice. Going the extra mile for a business company earned me not only praise but a handshake from a customer that does little more than complain. Discovering missing paperwork for another very needy customer was thanked by a dinner at their restaurant. I was told upon my return from vacation that I was missed, by a customer that is referred to the jerk of the bank by some (and also happens to be my manager's grandpa). She, herself, was shocked by his saying it.

Now, I'm not bragging about the things being nice may get you in terms of gifts. What I mean to stress is that by simply being kind to people, offering assistance that goes just a bit beyond, and remembering a person's name is a friendly act that will often get you the same in return. Do unto other's, right?

It's nice that they think of me at Christmas and bring me Poinsettia's. It's nice that they bring me candy on Halloween. And it's nice that remember I have kids and bring them small gifts on holidays. I love that they do and find it so thoughtful. However, the best return I get for my kindness are those little things like getting a smile from the grumpy old person, or the handshake from our 'pain in the butt' customer, or the kind words from someone notoriously hard to please.

Kindness begets kindness....

Sissy

Topic of the Day

In Need of a New Career

I'm reaching my limit at work. I suppose this is actually a phenomenon that many of us suffer from on a daily basis. Who really wants to work? Unless you're doing the job you love. If I were, how happy I'd be. But I'm not. I'm a college graduate with two degrees and I am a merchant teller for a bank.

Needless to say this is not the career path I was thinking of when I began school. I am a criminal justice graduate with dreams of entering the field. I have always wanted to be a part of the solution, to help and make a difference. I love the idea of being someone that can say they have mattered in the big picture. I guess we all want that.

Now, I know I do matter in may people's big pictures. My family and friends and so on let me know that I do matter in the grand scheme of things. And I love them for that. But that doesn't pay my bills, unfortunately. And it also doesn't feed my need for self accomplishment.

What I want to do is work with offenders on a very personal level or consult on investigations. I have a strong feeling for sex crimes. The reason is because there is a part of violent sex crimes that I believe goes unnoticed. I could expand on that thought, and I think I will, but not right now.

In going to school I planned on making these dreams a reality and gaining a feeling of being exactly where I should be, as well doing good in the world. However, things do not always go as planned. I live in a small town and am only recently coming to realize that I am not going anywhere. Aside from being married to someone who is anti-city, I have a very sick mother in law who is suffering from severe Alzheimer's.

Due to her illness we are here to stay. We can't leave dad to fend for himself. They're old and need us. So, I'm stuck in this small town with basically not options when it comes to fulfilling my career dreams. I pretty much have to drag myself to that job everyday.

I need a new career!! I'm overworked and over educated and under appreciated and under paid. but I am grateful that I do have a job. This is a hard place to find work. But I'm getting older and I'm feeling my chances slipping away.

Still hopeful,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Being Faithful

Ok, this is a touchy subject. Not because I'm unfaithful, I'm not, nor have I ever been to even the biggest jerks I've dated. And there have been plenty of those. I have been cheated on though. I think it's touchy because there have been so many unfaithful people for so many reasons.

Now, I have to ask: is there ever a legitimate or acceptable reason to cheat? Personally, I have to say no. That's just me. I figure if you're that damn miserable and are thinking of or want to cheat then you either need to deal with some issues or get out of the relationship. But don't cheat. It demeans you as much as well as possibly hurting someone very badly.

That said, I can understand how it can be difficult for a person to stay faithful. The truth is, there are times with everyone that I think the opportunity to cheat makes itself present.

Personally, since I've lost a lot of weight I have been hit on much more than I have in a very long time, and by a few young, good looking guys, as well as others. Anyway, as you may know, my marriage is not perfect, and sometimes I question if it will survive. This being the case, being hit on by anyone, especially a young hot guy, absolutely sends my head spinning with flattering and pride. Ok, if these guys saw me without my clothes they'd realize that losing a lot of weight fast leaves its own ugly visuals, but that's not the point.

The point is, it feels good to know that you're attracting people and that you still 'got it'. Especially if you haven't been told that very much at home. One thing I can say for Ox is that he does continually make me feel beautiful, even if he also makes me feel like he thinks I'm an idiot. Again, that's a post for another day.

So, does misery at home justify infidelity? No, of course not. Is there anything that does? What if one person is terminally ill, long term, no chance of recovery. They decide you should cheat, that you need that physical connection and since they can't give it to you, you should find it somewhere else. Is it ok then? Still, no, for me.

I just think it's not right, regardless of the circumstances. Even if they cheat on you first. My gosh, leave them already if they're cheaters anyway.

The only reason I'm choosing to write about this is because I see a lot of cheating and it bothers me. Even if you're not married, but have made a committment of any kind to each other, it is still wrong. But what I wanted to make clear is that even though I am adamant about disagreeing with cheating because I've seen what it can do, I can understand the temptation.

The want and need to feel loved and desired never dies. We never stop wanting to be wanted. Yet, many times this need falls short after years of togetherness and then you begin to not feel as wanted, needed or desired. Things have slowed down and the passion isn't what it used to be. During these times I understand a person being tempted. We never stop being attracted to people. Heck, I still like looking at good looking guys, but I just look.

I think there's a point to this somewhere. That point being that relationships are hard. They change. People change. Life happens. But regardless of that we should always make a point to let our significant others that they are still sexy and wanted and loved. And we should make the time for each other, even when life is its busiest. Being a couple takes work, commitment is tough.

But, as they say, anything worth having is worth working for.

Faithfully,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Bubble Baths

One of the few things that I really love and can't get enough of is bubble baths. It's the one thing that I absolutely refuse to be bothered during. It is my time of solitude and relaxation and comfort, time to spoil myself and not be mother or wife.

It's warm and soothing, smells nice and when you add a few candles it's both romantic and comforting. Especially vanilla candles. It's like being inside of a warm hug. Granted, I can do without the prunish fingers and toes that come along with a nice long bath. But nothing is perfect, right?

I work hard all day, sometimes I'm hurting at the end because of my back. I have a lot of stress at work. My responsibilities sometimes overwhelm me and by the time I make it home I am tied in so many knots I don't know which way is up.

When I get home on those days it's extremely hard for me to relax. I'm tense and edgy. I end up snapping at my kids and husband. I feel cranky and out of sorts. The only way I found that I can cure this case of the doldrums is with a nice, hot, bubbly bath made for one.

I am not a romantic person that likes to share their bubble baths. No way. Sure, I can see the romance, but I don't want any part of it. They are mine, and I don't want to share. I don't want the distraction. I don't want to give up room. I don't want anyone yapping at me. It is my 'me' time.

Bubble baths cure what I call my pukies!

So soak on....

Sissy

Topic of the Day

Ghosts

This is a pretty extensive subject so I doubt I'll even come close to touching on every possible aspect, opinion, belief and story there is regarding it. I'll do my best to cover the parts that have interest to me. Keeping in mind that whatever I'm writing here is all about me...my opinion and experiences and that there is no more to it than that. We all have our beliefs regarding this vast subject and the odds are that whatever I may say, whatever my opinion is, it's likely to be offensive to someone. And I certainly am not doing it on purpose.

I'm using the term 'ghost' loosely. In saying it what I mean are basically things that relate to not only ghosts but spirits, entities, hauntings and so on. I'm simply generalizing by saying ghosts.

Let me start by saying that I do believe. Do I believe in the idea that when we die we are left roaming the planet, sometimes angry, sometimes lonely and in search of closure or something to fill the emptiness death has brought? No, not really. But I do believe there is something. I'll be the first to admit that 'something' is very broad. But too much has happened in this world for there to not be some sort of 'other world' out there. And yes, I believe, death may not always lead us to happy place we so hope it will.

Firstly, I'm just going to discuss some things that have occurred to me personally in my life. After that, I'll share a little about my family experiences. There are plenty, too many for one post, so I'll be brief.

My first experience with something that was not of this world was when I was 13. Before I share it I'll give you a brief story first.

Growing up my dad had two cousins. The three of them were all born a few days apart. One of the boys shot himself as a teenager. My dad and the remaining cousin became like brothers. They were constantly together, best friends. The cousin even lived with him. And this cousin was infatuated with death and the hereafter. Very long story short: my dad's cousin also killed himself, hung in the garage. This devastated my father. A note was left for my father but destroyed by cousins mother. FAther never knew what it said. More devastation. For some time life was unbearable. Cousin always told my father he would come, that death was not the end.

Ok, I'm 13. The cousin had been dead many, many years before I was born. Due to cousins supernatural fear of pictures he only had his picture taken a few times, as a child. I'm sitting on my living room floor in front of the TV, father and step mom on couch. I look over into our kitchen and walking across the floor and through a wall is a man. I was stunned and frozen. I also knew he was, the cousin. Even though I had never seen him. I described what I had seen and felt to father, he was shocked with my description of the cousin I had never seen. I knew then life went beyond death.

I never saw him again.

But there were other things. I had a stereo that played music each morning, even after I unplugged it. There was no battery compartment. I had a musical doll that used to wind herself and start singing the middle of the night. I had a Simon Says game that would play on its own, with no batteries.

These were little things. During my teenage years I became obsessed with the afterlife, I had to have answers. I began using any form of medium I could to find these answers. I used tarot cards, Ouija boards, seances. I tried it all. And much of it worked, I'm sorry to say. I learned too much, experienced too much and became vulnerable to many things. I changed.

I can't go into that. Not now. Maybe sometime. But not now. It was bad. I got out and found my way back. But not before learning and changing. You may not believe in those things and feel my experience was emotional and psychological and I'm ok with you believing that, it helps me to think the same thing, when I can. But I know better.

My grandmother was also a 'user' of these methods. I didn't know she was but found out later. She encouraged my delving into these things and shared many things here life. The spirit world was all around my grandmother's home, even effecting the life of my mother.

A spirit lived with here, followed her for many years. Charlie. My mother witnessed his presence herself. He was not afraid to be known. By the time I was born Charlie had left. My guess is it was around the time my grandmother had cancer for the first time.

She died and less than a year later my cousin drowned. I was deeply effected by the loss of both. My cousin and I were the same age, a month apart and I loved him so very much. Around this time, I began having dreams about the both of them. I still do. And I feel in my heart that they are communicating with me. Ok, I really have no damn clue what they could possibly be saying, but I feel them when it happens. I smell them. I can't explain it. Again, the mind is powerful and capable of many things so who knows? I'm only expressing how it is and was for me.

It has been some time since anything too dramatic has happened to me, I believe I have succeeded in breaking all ties with these things. And that's ok with me. I really don't want to be a part of it. Life is for the living. And I'm alive. In death, I'm sure I'll have more than enough answers. Maybe more than I even anticipate.

The reason I chose this subject wasn't to convince anyone that I'm looney tunes, though maybe I am. I just wanted to say that I believe death is only beginning...

...then who knows???

Sissy

I Like Drew Barrymore- she's adorable

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Topic of the Day

Chicks in Film

I love movies. A lot. I like action movies. A lot. I like women in movies. A lot. I like women in action movies. A lot. Not in a weird way, thank you. In a there-needs-to-be-more-kick-a**-women-in-movies way!! We can be tough too you know.

Now, I know that women are not physically as strong as men. And I know we couldn't possibly do some of the physical things that men do. Hell, men can't do most of the physical things they do in movies. So why not let women do it too? To me, it's not about realism. I am perfectly aware that most action movies bear little semblence to real life.

However, nothing beats a good tough girl flick. I like seeing empowered, tough, confident and sexy women take charge. There is nothing wrong with making chick action films, because they don't have to be realistic. Most are not anyway. Yeah, Die Hard reeked of reality!!

I'm not saying that there aren't some good movies that have major female characters that really know how to kick butt. There are some. Some are good, some not. Either way, they are just far and few between.

Some that I think are worth noting are: Charlies Angels, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Terminator 2, Cutthroat Island, Barb Wire, Tomb Raider, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Kill Bill. Some of these are good, some not so good. But in all of them the women are strong, tough, confidant and powerful. Not to mention they take on men and the men's world and come out on top.

Ok, Barb Wire isn't really a good testament to the female hero genre of film. She's sexy and kicks butt and all that, but it really just isn't a good movie, unless you just want to see Pamela Anderson in tight leather. If so, then hey, it's for you.

Now, of the one's I mentioned I have a fondness for Tomb Raider (the 1st one) and for both the Charlie's Angels movies and the Long Kiss Goodnight and Kill Bill. None of these movies exist on any level of reality. They are far fetched, beyond ridiculously impossible and, yet, a butt load of fun. Come on, what isn't good about it?

Guys think it's sexy and we like to see the women outside of the whimpering, frightened, trip and fall role they usually fall into. Frankly, a woman like Geena Davis, at six foot tall, just might be tough as a guy anyway. And if not, she pulls it off.

Man, it has to be fun to make those movies. I want to look tough, talk tough, drive muscle cars, carry assault rifles and give men bloody noses!! What woman doesn't want to play that? No, I don't want to run in high heels, screaming while Bruce Willis saves me, I want to save him!! Wearing combat boots. Is that so wrong?

So, I say 'hail to the female hero' superstar. May someone besides Angelina Jolie break out of the housewife stereotype and whoop some a** for us all.

Amen,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

American Idol

Ok, I have many guilty pleasures, but who doesn't? I love gallons of butter on my popcorn, I love cheesy crime novels, I love loads of whip cream on my hot chocolate. Yup, I got a lot of guilty pleasures. However, my current guilty pleasure is American Idol. Yes, I develop this each and every season. I am not a reality TV freak, but I love this show!! I can't help it.

Of course, the person who I think should win hardly ever does. I really loved Bo Bice as well as felt Clay Aiken should have won. And I really liked Melinda Dolittle. Of course, it's a matter of opinion I know. But here, on the blog, it's my opinion that counts darnit!! The one time I felt vindicated was when Taylor Hicks won. I really loved him, even if I have hardly heard crud from him since. He was just fun.

I am almost sure that my favorite, again, will likely lose. I am a rocker at heart and they have yet to head bang their way to victory. But I have faith. This year I didn't get real excited about the girls until I saw a rocker, Amanda. Yeah, rock rules. Nope, I lie, she was voted off last week. Total bummer.

However, the men are far superior this season. And there is room for more than one brooding rocker. There are two: David and Michael. Who doesn't love an Aussie? And he reminds me of Jim Morrison, I gotta love that. David, who is incredible, suffers from a front ways comb over that kind of gives me the creeps, but he is really, really awesome. Hello!! He made me like a Lionel Ritchie song!! He should win an award just for that.

That said, it isn't just the rocker guys who have won me over. I also love the soulful Chikezie, the baby, David. The guys have just brought it this season.

I really love music and hearing new things. I guess that's why I love Idol. It's fun. I also suffer from what I call Tourettes brought on by Television.Yeah, I get very vocal with the TV. And the language is quite colorful. I have a horrible habit of ripping everything apart on TV and I guess I like Idol for that reason too. Those judges make for some good ripping apart ammo. And some contestants do too.

Anyway...

Vote for David!!!

Sissy

Topic of the Day

Things That Make Me Happy

Ok, I've been rather depressed and it's been showing in my writing. I hate being depressed and really am normally a happy, optimistic person. However, I am still human and go through times where being positive and cheerful is a chore for me. Lately, I've been having one of those times. My life is full and overwhelming, and not all in a good way either. So, tonight I've just decided to write about a some things that really make me happy, in the hopes of giving birth to some dang self happiness!!

My Daughters- I think this offers little explanation. They may not be the only reason I have for living, but they are certainly my favorite reason. I love being their mom. Of course, some days I could actually put them on the list of things that make me unhappy, but no today. I just love them, and love that they love me back.

Cats- I love furry little soft baby kitten bellies. And I love having them on my lap, tenderizing my stomach with their paws while they rev several hundred miles per hour. They are warm, soft and cozy and feeling and hearing them and seeing them never fails to make me happy (or talk baby talk...they're not babies, they're cats for goodness sake, Sissy!!).

Popcorn and Cheese- I don't each much junk food, but I love the times we splurge and go to a movie so I can cheat a bit and have some overly buttered popcorn and several cups of nacho cheese to dip it in. I know, it sounds funny, but it really tastes awesome and makes my mouth happy to cheat.

Losing Weight- Over the past several months I've really been working hard and have successfully lost 55 pounds. I've lost ten sizes and probably don't even need to go into how happy it makes me to be able to shop in the juniors section. From a 20 to a 10.

Rain- I love the first rain of the season. When I go outside everything feels fresh and renewed. It's as if the world is starting over clean. And I love the smell of it when it hits the hot cement. It's a strange kind of coppery smell that never lasts long enough.

Cornflowers- These are my favorite flowers. They come in shades of blue and purple and a pink. They are generally wild flower that will grow just about anywhere and they look like little round fireworks. I had them in my wedding and they grow out back of my house.

Snow Cream- This is a kind of frozen desert treat that you can hardly find anywhere. I think there are only a few of them in the country and we have one at a mall a couple hours from here. It's the best ever!! It's cold like ice cream, light and fluffy like cotton candy, melts like snow and had the most amazing flavor, banana being my favorite. I could eat one every day.

Funky Music- Nothing makes me smile more or laugh harder than when I put on one of the funky old songs I like and turn it way up then sing and dance like a fool, making my girls laugh so hard they cry!! Songs like Coconut by Nilsson, Let's Get it On by Marvin Gaye and Superfreak by Rick James.

My Heating Blanket- I hate to be cold. Really hate it. And my husband is a horrible person who sleeps with a fan even in the freezing winter!! It aggravates the hell outta me. Last Christmas he bought me a heating blanket big enough for just my side of the bed and now I never have to go crawl into cold sheets and when his dang fan starts producing icecicles I can just crank that puppy up and I'm good to go.

Reading- Reading a good book is a lot like watching a good movie for me, only it lasts a lot longer, has more details and I have to stop it in the middle all the time. I like that I can grab a book, crawl into bed and get lost. It soothes me much more than the noise of movie.

Of course there are many more things that make me happy, not the least of which is not having to get up early, but I really couldn't possibly list them all. If I did, I'd even make myself sick!!

Sissy

Easter Wishes

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Topic of the Day

Trouble Thinking, Too Much Feeling

Ok, I'm not feeling very jovial at the moment. Quite the opposite actually. I can't think of any cute, witty, fascinating subject that might be interesting to even myself right now. Therefore this days topic is suffering a long, painful birth, which will likely result in a pool of self pity and pain.

Woe is me!!

Well, that's probably being a little overdramatic. But I am feeling quite lousy so I'm taking my authorian liberties and writing what is on my mind. This time it isn't a person or movie or song or subject matter...it's me. Just me and my miserable relationship with a father who just can't quit hurting me. But he's so good at it now.

Ugh....

Sometimes I think he enjoys making me feel like shit so he can justify his own behaviors to himself. We have spoke little more than a few words over the last few years or longer and when we have begun to communicate it takes only a few short exchanges for him to manage to rip my heart clean out and stomp all over it. I just don't get it.

He thinks he is saying and doing the right thing, that he is the most righteous and unselfish person and those who know him should know that. I can't take it. He has no relationship with me or my daughters. He hasn't seen Piglet since she was 2. You'd think he'd do whatever it takes to get that back. But, no.

He hates my husband. They had some issues at one point that were quite ugly and they both behaved badly. I stood by my husband, being this part of my family comes first, it's the choice I made when I married. My father hated this. Still does. I can't win for losing. I love and miss my dad so very much, but I don't miss his crazy mind games.

Like I said, I'm not good for very much right now.

I apologize,
Sissy

Topic of the Day

Does Love EVER Die? And Do We Want it to Live Forever Anyway?

Ok, I'm not talking about love like we have for our children, our parents or our siblings. I'm talking about the love you share with the person you decide to spend your life with, your romantic partner. Of course the love of our dear families will live forever and we wouldn't want it any other way. Or at least I know I wouldn't. But I'm not sure I feel the same way about romantic love.

Most of us will love more than one person over the course of our lives, some of us will love many people. And these loves will cease for many different reasons that may or may not be in our control. People grow apart, get bored, change, find new people or die. The reasons just go on. I'm sure everyone has a different tale to tell about how love has ended in our lives.

But does love live forever? This kind of love? In our heart of hearts we yearn to say 'yes' love does last forever. But it doesn't. If we're completely honest with ourselves we know that it doesn't. It may last your whole life, and if so, you're a lucky person. But that is one love, there were others before that didn't last.

We love many, but last with very few. Often, when the relationship ends the love lingers, it's finger tugging and pulling at our aching hearts. At that time, it is living on, painfully live on, making us ache. But time mends or, in a sense, it kills love and we're able to move on. I do not believe that the love wasn't real to begin with, all love is real and we fall in love many times. But it is not a forever thing until, well... it is.

At last, we overcome our broken hearts and that love has died. But what about death? Does the love we have die when one of the bodies are gone? No, not really. But, in a sense, it does too. I know that makes no sense. But death pulls people apart and with no reason to hate we hold onto it, feeling cheated. You can't find a reason to stop loving, because there isn't one. Yet, most find that they are able to move on, to new love.

Does it mean that love died? Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. The truth is that if it lives beyond death than what will happen when we all meet our maker and waiting for us is the first love whose life was taken and the new love whose spirit will join eventually? Which love will take precedence in death? If we love beyond the grave, we wait to be reunited. But if our left behind love has moved on, will they be ready for us when they come? Or will they be waiting for their new love?

That said, if love never dies, then in death love is even more complicated. I prefer to think that love may never die, it just moves on and lets go and once it's gone, it's never yours to claim or offer again. Think of the movie Ghost where she is told that he is taking their love with him. At that moment, she will never move on. How can she, knowing that he is beyond, loving her still? In a sense, to survive, love sometimes has to die.

Regardless of this complexity and my no doubt confusing post, I believe we should all fall in love as often as possible until the day comes when we're done.

Sissy

Something I like

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This One's For Chikku

Ok, I'm elaborating on a very intense moment I had in my life. It was the moment where I was kissed, quite passionately, by another woman. I was very young, probably about 21 or so. I led a very unstable life, moving all over the place and meeting a lot of people. I ended up, at one point, in a small corner of Hell in the deep south. I won't say where for the sake of not offending those who are there. But, trust me, it was horrible. This place was like another planet. Not only were they behind normal America (whatever normal is) in terms of style and music and habits and so on, but they were stuck a million years behind regarding race. Racism was alive and well. I would walk down the street of this decrepit little town with it's trash infested front yards and if I came across a black person there heads hung lower and their eyes drifted away from me. If I tried to spark a conversation somewhere or offer a friendly hello I was not only snubbed by the intended but also snubbed by the whites. I believe the black citizens in the town were not familiar with friendly white people and so weren't sure how to react to my openness. As for the majority of the whites there, they were simply racist a**holes. Pardon my language, but I have little tolerance for it. Needless to say, my circle of friends was very limited in that place. I was lonely and the only people who accepted me were my boyfriend and his best friend and girlfriend. I was miserable and felt as if home couldn't have been farther away than if I was actually living on the moon. I really couldn't believe that people lived that way. I often wonder if things have changed there in plus ten years since I've been, but I think probably not. Anyway, I wasn't there long and by some cruel twist of fate my boyfriend left me for someone that I could in no physical way compete with, if you can figure out...good for you. If not, I'd rather not say. But in the short in between lull of the dead relationship and my inevitable return home I sought comfort with the only female friend I had, the boyfriends best friend's girlfriend. Her relationship was equal to mine. Best friends were best friends, and we were all we had. We both were hellbent on getting home, me to Cali and her Tennessee. But before we got there, we stayed together always and helped each other mend our equally broken and devastated hearts. I had little suspect that she was also someone who had many previous relationships with women as well as men. Though I am a definite male lover, I try to not judge others and simply base my opinions on how the person behaves to me and to others. Should there choices be mistakes, let their Karma deal with it. What I'm trying to say is that I have never been interested in women, and I still am not, I don't really understand it or actually even approve (though disapproval is too harsh a word for how I feel). On one lonely, stormy day were trapped inside due to thunder and lightning and no power. We were comforted by each other and candle light as the children slept in the room next door. Hey, am I getting a hint of a cheesy romance here??? It was a brief moment and I can't really say what brought it on...the candles, the lightning, loneliness and the sense of comfort probably, but whatever it was...it became a moment. I know you know what moment I'm talking about. It's the moment we've all had, whether it be male to female or not. It's that sudden feeling of complete connection with another human being, that speck of time where there is nowhere else on the planet you want to be except right there with that person and the only way you can imagine continuing is if you feel that person's lips on yours. And so she did. I didn't, because I felt foolish (I'm straight) and because I saw it as beautiful time, but not necessarily a willingly romantic exchange. But there it was. She gently kissed me, long and tender with her hands on my shoulders. I didn't push her away. I was shocked, intrigued and even a little flattered. It was not trashy, no tongue or fondling. When we pulled away I think she knew that it was it was... a nice kiss shared by two people who were joined by the same heartbreak, but nothing more. Nothing else happened. It was it was and it didn't ruin anything, but I didn't want anything else to happen. We spent the night talking about that side of her that I didn't know anything about. She told me about her love affairs with women, and she made it sound as romantic as any male/female relationship. I appreciated her willingness to discuss it openly. And I appreciated her making me feel wanted and desirable in a crappy time of life, even if I couldn't want her back the same way. So it wasn't horrible moment, but it was a solo moment in my life. I have never kissed another woman, nor have I ever wanted to. And I don't believe I ever will, but I do feel the experience added to my life, as opposed to taking away from it. So, there you go, Chikku... that's how my kiss happened and what it meant to my life.

Sissy