Trouble Thinking, Too Much Feeling
Ok, I'm not feeling very jovial at the moment. Quite the opposite actually. I can't think of any cute, witty, fascinating subject that might be interesting to even myself right now. Therefore this days topic is suffering a long, painful birth, which will likely result in a pool of self pity and pain.
Woe is me!!
Well, that's probably being a little overdramatic. But I am feeling quite lousy so I'm taking my authorian liberties and writing what is on my mind. This time it isn't a person or movie or song or subject matter...it's me. Just me and my miserable relationship with a father who just can't quit hurting me. But he's so good at it now.
Ugh....
Sometimes I think he enjoys making me feel like shit so he can justify his own behaviors to himself. We have spoke little more than a few words over the last few years or longer and when we have begun to communicate it takes only a few short exchanges for him to manage to rip my heart clean out and stomp all over it. I just don't get it.
He thinks he is saying and doing the right thing, that he is the most righteous and unselfish person and those who know him should know that. I can't take it. He has no relationship with me or my daughters. He hasn't seen Piglet since she was 2. You'd think he'd do whatever it takes to get that back. But, no.
He hates my husband. They had some issues at one point that were quite ugly and they both behaved badly. I stood by my husband, being this part of my family comes first, it's the choice I made when I married. My father hated this. Still does. I can't win for losing. I love and miss my dad so very much, but I don't miss his crazy mind games.
Like I said, I'm not good for very much right now.
I apologize,
Sissy
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Topic of the Day
Posted by sissy at 8:54 PM
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8 comments:
when i read the heading of this topic, i thought i was going to be a very emotional write up on how great fathers are... but really felt sorry for u when i went further.I hope everything gets better between u n ur dad...People start behaving differently when they get older.Its a truth.They start becoming more rough and stubborn.may be its the fear of getting old.but afterall he is ur dad and is old..may be as u said he thinks whatever he says and does is right.but we cant change him at this age right.may be u can just accept him as he is and stop letting him hurt u more..when u get hurt by his words, just try thinkng, "okai.. he is like that..i cant change him, so let him say whatever he wants and it wont affect me"...i know how difficult it is when our husband has a bad relation with our family..Since both are equally imp for us, we will be sandwiched between both.but im always scared of fighting with old people...Cuz we never know for how long they are gona be there rite...I hope everything gets better between u both...
i wish i could just let it go like that. but if you knew some of the cruel things he has said to me. and that's not to mention the horrible childhood i had. maybe i'll get into that another time. i just don't know if things can ever work out. i just don't know. thanks for your thoughts though...
yeah..i know its easy for me to advice.. but you have t go through the difficult part of it all yourslef... take care of yourself and dont worry.. everything would be fine...now you have such a loving husband and children, you must just delete all the sorrows of past and enjoy life to the fullest...dont let anyone, even ur dad to hurt u..
chikku :)
thanks...that's really good advice. it's what i try. every time it gets bad, he tells me he's going to kill himself. then i worry. he's said it a million times and i've learned he does it to get his way, get my sympathy and forgiveness. even so, it's hard to ignore.
OMG!!! he tells you that????anyway... u take care dear... dont let anything bother u...Sissy, would u mind if i tell u something...i don know if its right to tell u this..im sorry if you wouldn't like it...
U know, i read a lot of blogs and i read these kind of problems in many of them..But i feel basically the problem is the lifestyle here.We live with our parents till we get married...They have to take care of us and its no ressponsibility for them..Their love make them do that.even after marriage the relation we share with our parents are great.I think it helps in some ways.I used to hghly appreciate the lfestyle here till i started reading about the poeblems many face here.You know, we have to be virgins when we get married...losing our virginity before marriage is like a sin there.But n that case, we suffer less heart breaks and feel very attached to the one person we marry...okai.. now this has got nothing to do with whats happening between u n ur dad...It just came out when i talked about the life here..but then,i just felt there must be more attachment between parents and grown up kids too...That way kids will have a feeling of seciruty.I think one major reason for these mall shootings and all that is this.They fell lonely and desperate... Hey, im sorry again if u felt offended... didn't mean it that way....
chikku :)
not offended at all. the upside is that i have a good relationship with my mom and my step dad. they're both great to me. so i still have alot to be happy about. thanks....
sissy
Its great to know that...actually i wasn't pointing on you when i wrote that..i just generalised...im relieved to know that u took it in the right sense...I was worried if it would irritate u...
it takes a lot to irritate me. racism works. certain curse words will do it. telling me no. other than that, i'm pretty kick back. LOL.....
Sissy
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