This One's For Chikku

Ok, I'm elaborating on a very intense moment I had in my life. It was the moment where I was kissed, quite passionately, by another woman. I was very young, probably about 21 or so. I led a very unstable life, moving all over the place and meeting a lot of people. I ended up, at one point, in a small corner of Hell in the deep south. I won't say where for the sake of not offending those who are there. But, trust me, it was horrible. This place was like another planet. Not only were they behind normal America (whatever normal is) in terms of style and music and habits and so on, but they were stuck a million years behind regarding race. Racism was alive and well. I would walk down the street of this decrepit little town with it's trash infested front yards and if I came across a black person there heads hung lower and their eyes drifted away from me. If I tried to spark a conversation somewhere or offer a friendly hello I was not only snubbed by the intended but also snubbed by the whites. I believe the black citizens in the town were not familiar with friendly white people and so weren't sure how to react to my openness. As for the majority of the whites there, they were simply racist a**holes. Pardon my language, but I have little tolerance for it. Needless to say, my circle of friends was very limited in that place. I was lonely and the only people who accepted me were my boyfriend and his best friend and girlfriend. I was miserable and felt as if home couldn't have been farther away than if I was actually living on the moon. I really couldn't believe that people lived that way. I often wonder if things have changed there in plus ten years since I've been, but I think probably not. Anyway, I wasn't there long and by some cruel twist of fate my boyfriend left me for someone that I could in no physical way compete with, if you can figure out...good for you. If not, I'd rather not say. But in the short in between lull of the dead relationship and my inevitable return home I sought comfort with the only female friend I had, the boyfriends best friend's girlfriend. Her relationship was equal to mine. Best friends were best friends, and we were all we had. We both were hellbent on getting home, me to Cali and her Tennessee. But before we got there, we stayed together always and helped each other mend our equally broken and devastated hearts. I had little suspect that she was also someone who had many previous relationships with women as well as men. Though I am a definite male lover, I try to not judge others and simply base my opinions on how the person behaves to me and to others. Should there choices be mistakes, let their Karma deal with it. What I'm trying to say is that I have never been interested in women, and I still am not, I don't really understand it or actually even approve (though disapproval is too harsh a word for how I feel). On one lonely, stormy day were trapped inside due to thunder and lightning and no power. We were comforted by each other and candle light as the children slept in the room next door. Hey, am I getting a hint of a cheesy romance here??? It was a brief moment and I can't really say what brought it on...the candles, the lightning, loneliness and the sense of comfort probably, but whatever it was...it became a moment. I know you know what moment I'm talking about. It's the moment we've all had, whether it be male to female or not. It's that sudden feeling of complete connection with another human being, that speck of time where there is nowhere else on the planet you want to be except right there with that person and the only way you can imagine continuing is if you feel that person's lips on yours. And so she did. I didn't, because I felt foolish (I'm straight) and because I saw it as beautiful time, but not necessarily a willingly romantic exchange. But there it was. She gently kissed me, long and tender with her hands on my shoulders. I didn't push her away. I was shocked, intrigued and even a little flattered. It was not trashy, no tongue or fondling. When we pulled away I think she knew that it was it was... a nice kiss shared by two people who were joined by the same heartbreak, but nothing more. Nothing else happened. It was it was and it didn't ruin anything, but I didn't want anything else to happen. We spent the night talking about that side of her that I didn't know anything about. She told me about her love affairs with women, and she made it sound as romantic as any male/female relationship. I appreciated her willingness to discuss it openly. And I appreciated her making me feel wanted and desirable in a crappy time of life, even if I couldn't want her back the same way. So it wasn't horrible moment, but it was a solo moment in my life. I have never kissed another woman, nor have I ever wanted to. And I don't believe I ever will, but I do feel the experience added to my life, as opposed to taking away from it. So, there you go, Chikku... that's how my kiss happened and what it meant to my life.

Sissy