I think we're alone now

Ok, now that Ox isn't breathing down my neck I'll try and make some progress. First I need identify what I think my downfall is.... You see, I seem to have multiple personalities (not in the Sybil sort of way, I assure you). But several personalities none the less. What I mean is that no one really knows me, least of all me probably. The reason for this is that the only thing consistent about me is that I'm inconsistent. What I want one day is most likely not what I'm gonna want the next. I oozing with layers.
The most I can say is that there are definites that stay in my life regardless of what phase I'm going through. The things you can always be assured of is that: I adore my daughters (even though one is a teenager and I could scream), I'm fascinated by the criminal mind (and wanting to understand it so I can be a part of the solution), I love movies and music and books, my husband really isn't my best friend, I wish I was having a love affair in Ireland (Italy is good too), I abhor cheaters(probably hard to believe as I just said I wish I was having a love affair), I hated my childhood as much as the next person, and I'm addicted to knowledge. Those things pretty much stay the same for me, with slight variations of course. Ok, I realize I seem somewhat shallow. I'm not really. I don't cheat on my husband, and never would, but that doesn't mean I'm happy with him either. I love him for the life he gave me, but I don't really know him any more. But that's beside the point.
Ok, I'm gonna go for a brief synopses here...relay the tales of ghosts of my past, present and future, only without the talent of Dickens.
Anywho.... it was a dark and stormy night (or day really), and I was born on Father's Day. So I lie sometimes...it wasn't dark or stormy, it was June after all. The stigma of being born on Father's Day would be something that set the tone for many years to come. To say it was destiny I became a daddy's girl would be true. My parents grew up together in the same small town and got married on a whim. I think dad's proposal was "Hey, I'll marry you," when my mother whined because no one would want her since she had a son out of wedlock. And so my parents got married. And why not? It was the 70's after all. Lo and behold a year or so later yours truly entered the picture.
Long story short: the marriage didn't last (big shocker). When I was 8 my mother came to Cali to visit her parents, met my step dad and never looked back. Meaning she left my dad just like that. In all actuality, that probably wouldn't have been so bad since there marriage was a joke anyway, except she left me too. Hence, I was daddy's girl. Not really by choice, but by default.
From that point on my life was spent in motels, spare rooms, trailer parks and so on. I never made friends or had a room of my own hardly. The longest we stayed anywhere was probably six months. Most of my life I had to share a room with my father. Naturally, it scarred me for life. Not nearly as much as when he married my wicked step mother and left me to raise the little sister I didn't really want but grew to love with all my heart. Did I mention that my step mom divorced my uncle to marry my dad? Yeah, I know, I have Jerry Springer on speed dial.
Of course that didn't last and she left too, taking my little sister that I had raised for three years and ran away. I didn't see her again for ten more years. And now, I was pregnant too. At 17, and alone. I brought my daughter home from the hospital and welcomed her into our lovely hotel room...me, her and my dad! It felt like rock bottom. That's when I knew I had to cut the cord with dear old dad. But his hooks were in so deep, he had me convinced I couldn't make it unless I was under his wing at all times. He was an expert on the guilt trip and the emotional con. And I always broke. Dammit.
All right, I'm overloading. I should take a breather. Keeping in mind that I'm writing this more for myself than for anyone to actually read. So if I do want to ramble on incessently, than I darn well will. You don't have to read it. But if you do read it, be kind, it's my life after all. Going for ice cream now...maybe I'll be back later.
Until then, Sissy